It’s National Dog Week and Jean has foisted her column off on me, when I should be out in the back yard, rolling in raccoon poop, for heaven’s sake. She is taking distinct advantage of me, when all I want is a warm, soft squirrel. She is making me sit at the computer when I should be off frolicking in the autumn leaves, sniffing out chipmunks, waiting for the squirrelly-boys to fall out of the trees in a heap at my feet. But I digress.
She is out there in the kitchen, listening to some silly Slate Magazine podcast about culture, sifting flour and spilling cheese, and she does not praise me for hoovering all of that cheese up. No taste tests! She’s just listening second-hand opinions about “The Master”. Philip Seymour Hoffman is not showing up for our snack time, is he? Amy Adams? I doubt it. She needs to focus. I need biscuits. Why aren’t we listening to “Calling All Pets”? Sheesh.
I did not chase the cat behind the washer today. Yet. I deserve a biscuit for that. I pooped in the empty lot this morning. Where is the biscuit for that skill? I found the damn ball every time she threw it into the bushes at 10:00. Luke wants a biscuit. If she thinks I am going to chase that ball again at noon, she is right! But please, show me the biscuits!
Here are the recipes she is test baking. She gives them to some of my more fortunate friends for Christmas. They are all pretty tasty, but I think they are best when she uses the squirrelly-boy cookie cutter. (It’s a little larger than the bone-shaped one.) Frankly, she could just put the bowl down on the floor, look away for a couple of seconds, and I could take care of all the dough. She could be saving time and energy. No oven gobbling up kilowatts of expensive energy. No pans to wash. But, no. No biscuits for me. Yet.
Basic Dog Biscuit Treats
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup corn meal
1 teaspoon iodized salt
2 teaspoons bone meal (optional)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
2 large eggs mixed with a 1/4 cup beef broth beef broth
Preheat oven to 350°F, line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
Combine dry ingredients in a large bowl. Add oil, peanut butter and egg mixture and stir to combine. Knead the dough for 2 -3 minutes until it holds together well adding additional broth if the dough is too stiff. Allow the dough to rest for 30 minutes.
Roll dough out to about 1/2” thick on a lightly floured surface. Cut into shapes with a knife or your favorite cookie cutter.
Place 1 inch apart on greased cookie sheets. Bake for approximately 30 minutes until golden brown. Turn off the oven and allow the biscuits to dry in the oven for 2 hours or overnight. Once cooled they can be stored in baggies or airtight containers. Although I find that if you leave them on the corner of the kitchen counter for a couple of minutes I can appreciate their subtle bouquet, and the delicate nuances of peanut butter mixed daringly with that elusive hint of beef.
Cheesy Dog Biscuit Treats
1 cup rolled oats
1/3 cup margarine
1 cup boiling water
3/4 cup cornmeal
1 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons chicken or beef flavored bouillon
1/2 cup milk
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 egg, beaten
2 – 3 cups whole wheat flour
Preheat oven to 325°F, line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
In large bowl, combine rolled oats, margarine and boiling water; let stand 10 minutes. Stir in cornmeal, sugar, bouillon, milk, cheese and egg; mix well. Lightly spoon flour into measuring cup; level off. Add flour 1 cup at a time, mixing well after each addition to form a stiff dough.
On floured surface, knead in remaining flour until dough is smooth and no longer sticky, 3 to 4 minutes. Roll or pat out dough to 1/2 inch thickness, cut with bone shaped cookie cutter. Place 1 inch apart on cookie sheets. Bake at 325°F for 35 to 45 minutes on until golden brown. Cool completely. Store loosely covered. But it would be best if you handed a couple right over to me now. Nothing says loving, like warm dog biscuits from the oven…
Bacon Flavored Dog Biscuit Treats
5 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup milk
2 eggs
10 tablespoon bacon fat
1 pinch onion or garlic powder
1 teaspoon Salt
1/2 cup cold water
Preheat oven to 350°F, line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
Mix all ingredients. Pinch off pieces of the dough and roll them into 2-inch balls. Bake biscuits at 350°F for 35 to 40 minutes. Let them cool and then store in an airtight container. But instant gratification is something often overlooked in today’s modern world. Look down into my soft, pleading eyes. Don’t make my brown eyes blue! How can you deny me a biscuit? I promise I will stop chewing the edge of the sofa. Really.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
-Groucho Marx
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