Don’t be a disappointment. You have a good imagination and at least a few rudimentary kitchen skills. Don’t be the one sad person in the office who “forgets” about the holiday potluck, and stops in at the grocery store on your way into the office that morning, and picks up a disappointing limp and colorless veggie dip tray. Pathetic. Instead you should be impressing the keeper of the privy purse with your hot hors d’oeuvres skills, your slight of hand with pastry, or your Boeuf bourguignon à la Julia Child. This is your time to dazzle!
Mr. Friday was cursing our great distance from any IKEA, because he thought bringing Swedish meatballs to his office party would be regarded as exotic and generous. We soon dispelled him of that Lord Bountiful notion when we revealed the state secret about meatballs that my supervisor would bring back when I toiled for a print newspaper. She barely made it off the elevator on party days before every subtle soul from both advertising and editorial offered to help her with her parcels. An anxious guy from IT plugged in her Crock Pot. An accounting clerk gently re-folded the aluminum foil. The ad manager twirled some holiday paper napkins into an attractive spiral. All the while their gaze was fixed on the vat of glistening meatballs. These meatballs were the stuff of newspaper legend. Mr. Friday was amazed to hear that his favorite holiday smorgasbord food item was made with grape jelly! Let the holiday games begin!
https://www.bunsinmyoven.com/2014/12/15/grape-jelly-meatballs/
More exotic, and labor-intensive, are Jamie Oliver’s Date and Blue Cheese Stuffed Meatballs. Consider your audience and your pay grade. https://www.foodnetwork.co.uk/recipes/date-and-blue-cheese-stuffed-meatballs.html
If you have a lot of time the night before, here is a tasty Crock Pot dish: Boeuf bourguignon. Bring some pretty little dishes so people get the idea they should be taking small samples, not dinner platter portions! https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/boeuf-bourguignon-104754
And there is always the need for a good spinach dip – no office party is complete without one. Just check around to be sure that you are not stepping on someone’s toes here. Feelings can get hurt in an office if someone gets usurped. Find a good, crusty loaf of bread, too. https://www.chowhound.com/pictures/dishes-to-take-to-the-office-christmas-potluck-party/fresh-spinach-dip
Alternatively, easily win friends and influence people with a nice shrimp cocktail. Just be sure to ask about shellfish allergies! https://www.marthastewart.com/339900/shrimp-cocktail
Here is a dish that will serve for the dastardly first-thing-in-the-morning office potluck, or the more sophisticated luncheons. Quiche. Perfection. Easy to make, easy to transport, easily re-heated. The several million calories you will consume just thinking about it all morning might be detrimental, but it is time to stock up on warming, winter survival calories, is it not? Heavy cream be damned! Be sure to add nutmeg and don’t stint on the bacon, please.
https://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/quiche-lorraine.html
This might be corny (or cheesy, depending on your tastes), but this recipe always gets hovered up at any time of the year. It just wouldn’t be Christmas at our house without some classic Chex mix, which we have adapted a wee bit over time.
Classic Chex Mix á la Middle Street
2 cups Corn Chex
2 cups Rice Chex
2 cups Wheat Chex
2 cups cocktail peanuts
2 cups pretzel sticks
1 cup Goldfish or Cheerios or even some extra Honeynut Cheerios
1 stick butter
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons Lawry’s Seasoning salt – accept no substitutes
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 generous pinch of cayenne pepper
Heat oven to 250°F. Melt the butter in large roasting pan. Stir in the seasonings. Toss in the other ingredients and mix well. Bake for 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Cool. Store in an airtight container. Best eaten warm. And often.
Trust me when I tell you that everyone has had it with Christmas cookies. Do not bake any more damn cookies. Do not bring any leftovers from your fifth grader’s dance school recital party. Do not buy any, even if you are being guilted by the nice ladies at the Episcopal Church Annual Cookie Bazaar. No. Instead, think of that dark and moody vegan artist who sits near the sports department. She’d love some of this fudge, and you’ll have a new friend. https://ohsheglows.com/2013/07/31/seductive-raw-chocolate-walnut-fudge/
Mr. Friday is bringing in a sausage and egg breakfast casserole, which is what we used to have on Christmas morning before the Tall One voiced his opinion about the ritual necessity for sausage balls. I like the sausage balls better myself, because they are easier to eat – no silverware required – which is a big plus at a buffet and on Christmas morning. The casserole requires at least a spork, which will keep everyone thinking about good manners at an office party.
The Pouting Princess recently commented that we are the type of family that finds our recipes on the back of the box. I resented the implication at the time, but upon a little quiet reflection, I think she might be right. We were given this recipe years ago, and when I couldn’t find my old tattered copy, naturally I Googled it. And it popped up from many places on the Internets. Which means quite a few folks may be trotting this into work next week. Check the sign up list!
Breakfast Casserole
1 pound sausage, cooked and drained
2 cups grated cheese (we like Swiss)
4 eggs
1 cup Bisquick
2 cups milk
½ cup diced onion, browned
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
Salt, pepper
Pinch of mustard
Cook the sausage, and drain the grease on paper towels. Sprinkle in the bottom of a 13 X 9 pan. Or 8 X 8 – what ever you have hanging around. Scatter the cheese over the crumbled sausage. Brown the onions. Mix the eggs, milk, Bisquick, onions and dry ingredients in a bowl. Pour over the sausage and cheese. Bake for 40 – 50 minutes at 350° F. It’s not fancy, but it is satisfying, and you will look as if you care what your co-workers eat.
Be careful around the punchbowl, if you have a progressive company which will allow spiked punch. Those sales reps can be vicious vixen! And watch out for the mistletoe – your professional pride is at stake. The folks here at the Spy’s test kitchens will be nibbling on some grape jelly meatballs, quiche, and a lot of Chex mix, washed down with the finest Prosecco we can find. Cheers!
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
– Phyllis Diller
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