Perhaps you—like me and most of my friends—have a grave difficulty discussing politics in our hyper-partisan nation. We often report that civil debates with right-leaning friends are off-limits for fear of destroying valued relationships. When we try, too often the opening response sounds something like, “I agree that Trump is an ogre…but I like his policies!” or “His character stinks, but I love his programs!”
That sounds rationa,l but is actually a cop-out to squash all further conversation. And it is highly irrational.
Why? Because it is extremely difficult to dislike a leader’s character while liking their policies. They are inextricably linked. A leader’s character (like our own) consists of core values and central beliefs that determine how we behave and the key choices we make (like positions and policies).
If a leader is kind, honest, and generous, his policies will be rooted in integrity, care for others, and the common good. A leader who is vengeful, greedy, and dishonest will adopt policies that are vindictive, untruthful, and self-serving. It is impossible to separate the baggage from the bag.
Character drives a leader’s policy and behavior in fundamental ways. To separate the two (as happens in our debates across the aisle) would be like saying, “I don’t care if the coach or teacher of my grandkids is dishonest, mean, and selfish—as long as he wins games and my child gets good grades!” Character determines how we do things. And moral makeup matters.
One of my favorite quotes during my 40-year career in Leadership and Character Development is:
“Character is who you are in the dark.”
It is how we behave when we know nobody’s watching. To be a true leader—or even lead a good life—we have to confront our demons and cover-ups. At least that was once true.
Now we have a President who boasts about his vile character in the light of day. His greed, vengeance, and vanity are broadcast in public to be seen and praised by those who fear him and those who can gain from his bribes and handouts. Or it could be confronted. Given that this President has unprecedented control of all three branches of government—and the recently granted “complete immunity while governing” from the Supreme Court—it needs to be confronted now.
It is clear that serious damage has been done to our democracy by President Trump in just eight months. Americans who care about our sacred Republic must establish some checks and balances soon. The midterm election, roughly one year away, is the best way to do that.
That means not only getting all citizens who are terrified by this self-proclaimed “Dictator” out to vote—it also means getting some of our center-right Republican friends to join us. And that requires reopening the dreaded political debate with friends we know are good and principled people, which is most of them. The ones who dislike the constant bragging, lying, hurting of vulnerable people, abandoning of allies, while amassing huge personal wealth.
We must risk the discomfort of raising the “character question” and tying this President’s moral makeup to his destructive policies. And our ask is not that large: that one of the three branches of government (the House) gain a slight Democratic majority so it can provide a small measure of restraint on this dangerous “King.” All significant power would remain with Republicans.
The wolf is at the door. We must rise up and defend democracy.
Clearly, our resistance should include active protest (like “No Kings”), speaking or writing opinion pieces (like this one), and stumping for honest candidates. But we all have decent friends who do not want our hateful President to go unchecked. It is not too early to reopen a caring, candid exchange with Republican friends one year out from the Midterms.
Trump announces daily how destructive and vindictive he intends to be. The most shocking example occurred recently at the funeral of Charlie Kirk. His grieving widow, Erika, said that she forgave her husband’s killer:
“I forgive him because it is what Christ did and what Charlie would do.”
In reply, Donald Trump declared:
“I hate my opponent and I don’t want the best for them.”
What kind of policies and executive orders do we expect from this character?
Johnny O’Brien is a former president of the Milton Hershey School and the institution’s first alumnus to lead it. Orphaned at a young age, he was raised at the school and graduated in 1961 before earning a degree from Princeton University and pursuing graduate studies at Johns Hopkins. O’Brien later founded Renaissance Leadership, a firm that coached executives at major corporations. In 2003, he returned to Hershey as its president. He is also the author of Semisweet: An Orphan’s Journey Through the School the Hersheys Built, and currently lives in Easton.
Deirdre LaMotte says
Very well said. A must read is Character Matters and Other Life Lessons from George H W.Bush by Jean Becker.
This marvelous book is a touching memoir of Jean’s years as the great man’s Chief of Staff.
Character is so vital for leadership that former FBI/CIA Director William Webster gave every Member of Congress a copy last year.
I miss having a “public servant” in the Oval!
Matt LaMotte says
Reminds me of an old Native American tome:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity. guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Joyce Stambaugh says
Thank you for your insight into a very dangerous leader
Tom Ettinger says
Jonny,
I agree that we must listen to and dialogue with those we disagree with. This is a challenge when the President lacks basic leadership skills, is narcissistic, power hungry, a bully and surrounds himself with supplicants.
We must protect our Democracy by finding ways to dialogue with those whose views are at the extremes and convince them that leadership requires the characteristics that you have identified in your article to be an effective leader and certainly to be a president in a democracy.
Tom Ettinger
Michael L Pullen says
Thank you for reaching the heart of the matter. Deep down, we all know what we’re looking at. We all know the ill that comes from vengeance, hate, deceit.
We feel it is our gut. We learned it in schoolyards when bullies pranced in glee, when liars snickered because they got one over. We knew then it was wrong, and now know that character is destiny.
Knowing that makes us responsible citizens. We all express character in countless ways, little and large, in everything we do. It makes us who we are.
The President represents the American people. His character is a reflection of who we are and what we believe. Look at him…do you like what you see?
christine durham says
Well said!
John A Sutton says
Johnny
Quite well articulated and thank you for taking the high road approach underscoring character and leadership. These are welcome attributes in the discussion.
John
Richard Marks says
Thanks Johnny.
I, too, have marveled at friends who are willing to overlook the deceit, the bullying and the lack of integrity and character we witness daily. Thankfully, there are some who have begun to recognize the danger we face by someone who is more focused on retribution than cooperation.
True, we are not a perfect society by any stretch and the inability to find common ground in the best interests of all citizens is frustrating, but the answer is not to ignore the rule of law and destroy the foundations of our democracy.
“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wings. Only one thing endures and that is character,” Horace Greeley
Jim Bruce says
To your point, George Washington also saw character as above all else the measure of a man, and the foundation of national policy:
“I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.” Letter to Alexander Hamilton, August 28, 1788
“The foundation of our national policy will be laid in the pure and immutable principles of private morality.”
— First Inaugural Address, 1789
Barbara Lee Jefferson says
Thank you, Johnny. So well written, and so timely! I too, have friends and family who retain loyalty to the current administration despite serious red flags.
Trump and his enablers are destroying our democracy. The firewalls are crumbling. Trump cannot do this without the help of corrupt politicians.
I keep pondering how can we stop this runaway train? We need those who took an oath to serve their constituents to do just that!
Keep up the fight for what is right, honest, fair, compassionate, truthful, and humble.