It’s a disillusioning experience when people whom you’ve idolized your whole life turn out to be less than idol worthy. It happens way too often.
When I was in middle school, the youthful and vigorous JFK was my hero. I waited in line in front of a drugstore on Gratiot Avenue in Detroit for what seemed like hours just to wave at JFK’s motorcade. A few years ago, I read an article in The Atlantic that detailed some of JFK’s exploits while he was in the White House. It included shocking descriptions of JFK in the White House swimming pool with interns and other White House staff. Sound familiar?
Even before I got to college, I was obsessed with Ernest Hemingway. I read every novel (The Sun Also Rises was my favorite), every short story, and took Hemingway courses in college. The more I learned about Hemingway’s personal life, the more disillusioned I became. I eventually wrote a final paper on how Hemingway never depicted real women—instead, as I recall my description, they were either angels or bitch goddesses. And I used quotes from Catherine Barkley (an angel) in A Farewell to Arms as an example. She said, “I want what you want. There isn’t any me, anymore. Just what you want.”
When I went to graduate school at Georgetown, I remember my friends and I listing our top 10 movies of all time. Two of mine were Woody Allen films—Annie Hall and Manhattan. I knew the dialogue by heart. Last week, I finished watching the HBO Max documentary Allen vs. Farrow. It’s hard to look at those movies in the same light. Somehow those innocent and charming scenes with Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan just aren’t that charming anymore.
Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger is on my “top 10 books of all time” list. Last weekend, I read an article by a woman to whom J.D. Salinger wrote love letters. She was 17 and at Yale. He was in his 50’s. She quit college to be with him, chocked everything up. She later discovered that she was only one of many nubile women to whom Salinger wrote. He later discarded her like a used shoe. It took her several years to recover from the trauma.
I just finished the new biography Eleanor by David Michaelis. It’s beautifully written, well documented and engaging—also long. But it shows a side of FDR—my mother’s hero—that I never knew. He cheated on Eleanor with several other women, was quite the anti-Semite, and had a racist streak as well. I realize these were different times, but Eleanor evolved in ways that FDR never did.
The list of such disillusionments is long. Having said that, I still think JFK was a great President. He founded the Peace Corps and stood down Khrushchev during the Cuban missile crisis. He also inspired many young people to get involved in public service. Hemingway’s writing remains amazing. He used language in simple uncompromising ways. Few authors come close to mastering such focus on the bare essence of each word. The dialogue in some Woody Allen movies is superb. And something tells me that The Catcher in the Rye will remain an all-time classic for years to come. And despite FDR’s shortcomings, he gave us the New Deal and led us to victory in World War II. That compensates for a lot.
What’s the moral of this tale? Nobody’s perfect. We all disappoint in one way or another. Is it sad when someone we revere turns out to be less than we had hoped? Yes. But can we still appreciate their accomplishments and admire their strengths? Carl Jung once said, “There is no light without shadow, and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.” Still, somehow, I wish that when temptation knocked, these heroes had chosen to see the light rather than lurk in the shadows. Something to think about.
Maria Grant was principal- in-charge of the Federal Human Capital practice of an international consulting firm. Since she retired, she has focused on writing, reading, piano, kayaking, nature, gardening, and travel.
Mary Margaret Revell Goodwin says
The timing of Maria Grant’s thoughts is on the mark for me as I am close to finishing the exhibit, now already tardy, that the Maryland Museum of Women’s History intended for release on January 15th. What really happened was that the delay was caused by one woman in particular in our exhibit turning out not to be at all the woman we thought her to be. Moreover it turned out that she “concocted” a story so untrue, so devastatingly untrue just so she could put forward her own highly positive feelings about the value of slavery for the upper class women. Yet we had to prove her words were wrong, and that took some considerable time, as the exhibit will show. Regardless of what level any woman is at, rich or poor, entitled or not, war is lethal for everyone. But to make up things to show honorable individuals out to be less than human has been a shock for us. What will shock everyone is how we are planning to deal with this beyond just the exhibit. Stay tuned.
Stephen Schaare says
Dear Ms. Goodwin, I had no intention of writing today. Though I possess a respectable three digit IQ, I am a flawed and weak man. I do not possess the self discipline to hold my tongue when I read a comment such as yours.
I do not know you or your organization whatsoever. With all due respect, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I feel as though you were having a private conversation and I was suddenly “listening in “.
Certainly, I am in no position to ask a favor, but I must. Could you please refrain from using the word “slavery”? Not for me, but for the greater community.
We are presently in a period of perceived racial tension. The Georgia election laws, the George Floyd trial. The never ever ending “Talbot Boys” controversy. The daily, ad nauseam further canonization of both Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman, the seemingly endless Federal spending in the name of “racial equity”.
As previously stated, I have no clue about rich or poor women and slavery or whatever that mess was, that assault on critical thought or word usage whatever. There, I have confused myself.
In conclusion, I imagine you are a good person, and good to write “The Spy”. I am a simple man with a simple request. Please do not use such an inflammatory word in these perilous times.
Thank you-Steve
Julie Susman says
Maria – This is a wonderful essay. While being able to appreciate talent and successes of those with huge flaws, it does seem to me that there is a tipping point after which the flaws outweigh the accomplishments. Identifying that balance is the challenge.
Maria W Grant says
Julie, Thanks for your comments. Appreciate them.
Terry Grant says
Love your article, it’s sad.but true. Thank you for writing this.
Maria W Grant says
Thank you.