Gus is Grieving By Angela Rieck

My dog, Gus, is grieving. He misses Annie, my cockapoo who died several weeks ago. I adopted Gus after I already had Annie, so he has only known a household with her. They were close, although they did not play together (neither of them learned play in their previous dwellings), they would sleep together and just hang out. Annie would find something to bark at and Gus would join her, full throttle. 

Now my household is quiet. Gus wants to be close to me, he wants extra petting. He has lost some interest in food (this is a dog who would sell me for a hot dog) and occasionally doesn’t come when it is “treat time.” He sleeps more, but mostly it is his way of walking, his head is down, his tail droops and he doesn’t seem to have his ebullient personality.

So, I looked it up. And experts agree that animals do grieve. It is well documented in elephants and primates. Even birds have displayed grieving behaviors. So, it makes sense that our pets would grieve as well. Here are some of the signs of a grieving pet.

• Loss of appetite or refusal to eat. According to a study, about 30% of pets have decreased appetite after loss.
• Changes in their sleep patterns. They may sleep more or less than usual, or become restless. In a New Zealand study, about 30% of grieving dogs and 20% of cats napped more. Grieving animals may even hide or rest in different locations. Gus used to be relatively independent, but now he must sleep right next to me, crowding me more than usual.
• Need extra attention, or even exhibit destructive behaviors like chewing or scratching. The New Zealand study found that about 60% of dogs and cats clung more to humans after the loss of a companion. Some animals may also experience separation anxiety or become withdrawn. 
• Less energetic or lose interest in usual activities like playing or going for walks. 
• Meowing, barking, or howling more than usual. In my case, Gus is unusually quiet and doesn’t bark like he used to (which my neighbors appreciate). 
• Searching for their lost companion. Approximately 60% of pets repeatedly look for lost companions in their normal napping spots. Out of my own grief, I discarded Annie’s dog bed and Gus spent the first couple of days going to that spot and sniffing around.
• Grieving can be so extreme that pets even experience urinary incontinence, labored breathing, and changes in grooming habits. A normally fastidious pet might soil the house or miss the litter box. Another sign is excessive or inadequate self-grooming. 

So, what to do? These are the recommendations that I found.

• Some experts recommend that the pet should see the companion after she is deceased. Annie died at home, but my dogs didn’t seem too interested, in fact they kept away, as they are afraid of veterinarians.
• Provide a consistent routine. Keep daily schedules for mealtimes, exercise times, play times, and bedtimes consistent.
• Try not to let your pet see your own grief, and most of all, do not lean on pets for support. Your grief may add to their own. 
• With the loss of a family member, the household dynamic could become be temporarily unstable. In multi-pet households, if there was a clear social hierarchy, the remaining pets may try to create a new social structure. If your pet is a sole survivor, she may be lonesome. In my case, my remaining two dogs are fighting, they never have before.
• In most cases, they don’t recommend immediately adopting a new pet, especially with cats. Cats that have been very attached to a special companion do not readily accept a new “stranger” into their home. 
• Spend extra time with your pet. Engage in interactions that you and your pet enjoy, such as daily walks or brushing (especially for cats). If your pet is pacing or vocalizing excessively, try to help him settle in a bed by feeding him treats.
• Allow time for adjustment. 

The experts recommend that if you do not feel like they are making progress, you should seek professional help, especially if pets are not eating. Cats and small dogs cannot afford to miss meals. 

But mostly, in my opinion, time is the healer, and patience is your go-to. Gus wants to be next to me all the time, even when I am working. He sleeps right against me…it is uncomfortable, to be sure, but it is what he needs right now. My other dog, Sadie, never developed a bond with Annie (or Gus, yet). She was a puppy mill mom, and she learned to keep other dogs away from her puppies. So, she is not grieving, but she is annoyed that Gus is getting so much attention and they are fighting. I find myself petting both simultaneously.

So, we wait, all of us, to get through this and know that on the other side, the hole will heal, and we will be left with fond memories of Annie.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.