For Immediate Release — Easton, Talbot Cty., MD, July 30, 2021
The Bored of Trustees of the “Preserve The Preserved Foundation” seeks volunteers (and at least one attendee) for their upcoming “‘First Annual ‘Restoration-Of-Things-As-
The planned gathering will be held in the comforting stubble of an open cornfield, just off Ocean Gateway. To be COVID safe, (and avoid the confusion of trying to stay alive) attendees should “BYOC” — “bring your own cob”. In the alternative, “If you’re enjoying the ‘medical freedom’ of the unvaccinated, have at as many as you can shuck,” said a local business sponsor — and exclusive purveyor of all-wool battle uniforms — available in three colors (for the “Joust,” but of course).
“We have pallid grey, gangrenous gray and g’way.” (“g’way ” is a heartfelt salutation by some). “Perfect for a sweltering day,” he say. “Used to have fifty shades of grey, but some ‘outside agitator’ called the County ‘two-cans-and-a-string.’ They hauled most of them away,” he relayed, suppressing a giggly grin through the cornsilk haze.
A permit request for said gathering by “The Cobblers” was originally made for Courthouse Square. The request was languidly declined by County Officials, presiding semi-weakly in a smoke-filled shed, tastefully outfitted for every occasion nature might call with a crescent, self-ventilating moon.
History-orians, take note: Courthouse Square was, for some (and may yet be govern-mentally recognized), the situs of the Talbot Slave Market. Notably absent, any “white historical-context w/ expletives plaque” commemorating Talbot’s Originalist Sin. Despite a painstaking search of the grounds (and almost accidentally overturning a nearby green statuette of ill repute), a marker marking the “quaint history” of the sale of humans beings into eternal servitude is — oddly — nowhere to be found.
A passerby uttered, “We honor the oppressors, not the oppressed.” “Passing through? Not staying, by chance, are you?”
Official declination of the recent permit application was caused by a scheduling error, sources close to no one noted. The Talbot County Elders’ annual “Eternal Reverence For Public Access & Take-You-For-A-Ride Extravaganza” is, in a stroke of slight fortune, happening simultaneously.
Visitors and Talbot “Countians” (and “Counting” are they — at least votes, anyway) are left with a Hobson’s choice. Either attend one — or the other rollicking hootenanny — but not both.
Rides and distractions at “The Preserve The Preserved” locale will feature most of a Ferris wheel (“Weal of Misfortune”); an “oldie tyme” daguerreotype booth (with the aforementioned hard-to-explain or fathom “C.S.A.” wardrobe); and a simian of diminutive stature searching for his grinder of organs. Pockmark evidence indicates a local family of itinerant, wool starved moths dined on the wardrobe (and perhaps still do) with reckless abandon.
In addition, the cornfield will feature a “Make Your Own Microfibre Battle Flag” station. As the group’s press kit indicates, a DIY “Bill-Da-Flag” flag does double duty in the homestead. Uses are utopian, including, but generally limited to: 1) flaccid drooping in a horse-latitude breeze: 2) avian cage sub-flooring; and/or 3) spot-cleaning, erasing and/or whitewashing stubborn facts.
Tickets for “Ye Olde Cob Joust” (sharpening cobs is grounds for disqualification) are selling like hardtack. Reserve now. Availability is on a first-come, last-served basis, most every other Tues. around 6:00 p.m. Box Office: 15 N. Washington St., Easton, in the Brad-Diddly Room. Or call (410) 770-8001 for more information. Ask for “Mister Green.”
Keith Watts is a speaker, lawyer, author, poet and mediator. He lives on a small island off the coast of The Chesapeake.
Write a Letter to the Editor on this Article
We encourage readers to offer their point of view on this article by submitting the following form. Editing is sometimes necessary and is done at the discretion of the editorial staff.