Senior Life’s Ask Irma: Concerned Daughter Needs Advice to her Mother’s Grief


Senior Nation is committed to offering resources to help us deal with the challenges and opportunities of aging. To that end, we are launching a new monthly column called “Ask Irma” by Irma Toce, where we focus on all topics related to aging.

Dear Irma,

Dad passed almost a year ago. Mom took such good care of dad. After my dad’s passing I’ve noticed Mom is not enjoying the things she once loved, she is not spending time with friends or taking care of herself. What can I do to help? Mom is healthy and was once vibrant.


Concerned Daughter


Dear Concerned Daughter,

Thank you for reaching out and showing concerns for mom.

Your mom is going through the grief of losing her husband. You also wrote that mom used to take care of him which implies that he was ill.

While taking care of a spouse is a difficult thing to do, it does give a sense of being “useful” and needed.

After your father’s passing all of a sudden the feeling of being needed is no longer there and mom might feel “useless.”

It also seems mom might suffer from depression because of her lack of interest in friends and taking care of herself

I would suggest to take her to her physician to check for depression and once she receives a clean bill of health to slowly introduce her to volunteering.

The Senior Center might be a good first place to start.

I hope you find a way to re-introduce mom to a social setting so she can enjoy herself among her peers.

Good luck to you and your mom.



Irma Toce is the  CEO of Londonderry on the Tred Avon with over 25 years experience work with seniors. Her years of experience in the field is accompanied by BS in social work and an MA in health management, Irma not only leads the dynamic community of Londonderry, but she is also nationally recognized as an expert in the field of aging.


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