There are certain words and phrases to which I have an aversion, do you have some as well? Pustule, fistula.
Ligature—which seems like it wants to be “signature” only it’s sneaking around with a rope. I don’t like squirt. Or stubby.
I don’t like ladies, and even worse, gals—as in, “Are you gals ready to order?” I’m fascinated by the utterly bizarre phrase, “Want to come with?” I can’t stop waiting for the question to be properly finished, as in, “Want to come with us, or me?” Same goes for the equally bizarre, “I graduated college,” as if I graduated “from college” is just too much effort.
I don’t like onboarding –corporate talk for bringing in a new employee. And I don’t want to “circle back” to a topic or worse, “drill down.”
And there are all the words that we get wrong—like song lyrics or like the time I was at a dinner party and the conversation turned to those rogue cells that roam our bodies generating cancer on a whim and I said with all sincerity that I too, was changing my diet to put the brakes on those “free-wheeling radicals.” I was both puzzled and embarrassed when everyone started laughing. Was it that their dangerous cells were simply on the move while mine were on the move with attitude?
And the time I told my youngest daughter that I loved a dress I’d seen at “Free the People,” a place where she shopped. (Look! Emily! We have something in common!) When in fact the store is simply, “Free People,” which sort of means the goal of my store was achieved by her store.
My niece has been driving for Door Dash to earn a little extra cash and one night she got an order from a customer named Mikayla. When my niece arrived with the food, as is her habit, she texted the customer to let her know the order was on site. But somehow the voice-to-text changed, “Hi! Mikayla! I’m right outside with your food,” to “Hi! I’m a killer! I’m right outside with your food.”
And my sister, who was checking on her daughter’s house while she was on vacation, discovered upon entering that the entire place had become infested with fleas. Fleas everywhere, jumping, biting, riding the nearest human leg to freedom. My sister texted her daughter, “I checked the house, and everything is fine except you’ve got a massive flea infestation. I can’t think of anything to do except go back in and bomb it.”
Only the text read, “I checked the house, and everything is fine except you’ve got massive flea infestation. I can’t think of anything to do except go back in and vomit.”
There are words I love: shimmer, radiant, gravity, glory.
Dog.
And one I don’t use enough, sorry. Better: I am sorry. Better still: I am truly sorry.
I like lightspeed.
And better, Godspeed, which I find perplexingly moving. Help me figure this out.
Godspeed is Middle English and has been around at least since the 14th century. “Speed” here is not about being swift but about a wish for another’s prosperity or success. What you are really saying is, “May God prosper you.” Similar words in French (adieu) and Spanish (adios) mean, “I commend you to God.” It’s as if God is a gift we try to give each other on parting. I can’t come with you so may God go in my stead. Even “goodbye” is a contraction of “God be with ye.”
In 1962, as the astronaut John Glenn blasted into space on Friendship 7, the first American to achieve orbital flight around this fragile blue jewel, a disembodied voice from mission control whispered, “Godspeed, John Glenn,” and a nation held its breath. The anonymous engineer was offering an ancient expression of goodwill traditionally made at the start of a journey or a daring endeavor. To orbit our planet, the first step towards exploring the stars, was both. The sentiment seemed fitting 54 years later when an admiring nation learned our first astronaut had died.
Godspeed, John Glenn. We commend you to God.
I used to think this sounded presumptuous. How do I know what God, if any, you believe in? And “commend” means to praise, to commit, to mention. So, doesn’t it sound a bit pompous? Like, I’m on speaking terms with God, so I’m putting in a good word for you?
So why does it get to me every time?
It’s because Godspeed is not a wish; it’s a prayer. It’s a request of the divine that you face no daring endeavor unaided–which is the purpose and point of these stories–that you feel companioned and witnessed, that you know, just for a minute, you are not on the journey alone.
Godspeed, fellow travelers. May God prosper you today. May God be with you always.
Laura J. Oliver is an award-winning developmental book editor and writing coach, who has taught writing at the University of Maryland and St. John’s College. She is the author of The Story Within (Penguin Random House). Co-creator of The Writing Intensive at St. John’s College, she is the recipient of a Maryland State Arts Council Individual Artist Award in Fiction, an Anne Arundel County Arts Council Literary Arts Award winner, a two-time Glimmer Train Short Fiction finalist, and her work has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Her website can be found here.r
Elizabeth Heron says
Laura, may God always hold you in the palm of her hand.
I have a problem with words that are used ( in my
view ) inappropriately and with words that are mispronounced. I bite my tongue to keep from correcting people, and scold myself inwardly for being judgemental. I have noticed lately that more salty language is being used, and wonder how far it will go. Oy!
Laura Oliver says
For every time I’ve noticed someone using a word incorrectly or mispronouncing it, I know others have been graciously silent when I did the same. Thanks for the blessing and for writing 🙂
Elizabeth Heron says
Oops- should have used incorrectly instead of inappropriately.
A favorite word is Timbuktu.
Thanks, Laura
Robert O. Hall says
I was stationed in Austria during 1955. One of my favorite expressions was the Bavarian greeting, Grüß Gott, roughly translated as “God’s greetings to you”
Laura Oliver says
Nice! Though I can’t imagine how that sounds ! Thanks for writing!
Molly T Smith says
If I remember correctly it sounds like Griss got or Criss got.
Marcia Kirby says
Whew, Laura, I thought I was the only one annoyed by “graduated college” and also wondering how it gained traction in our popular vocabulary.
The derivation-of-Godspeed lesson was very compelling. Thank you, and Godspeed to you as you write weekly with passion and clarity.
Laura Oliver says
Well I’m glad I’m not alone wondering where “from” went! And you’re right, it came out of nowhere and caught on fast! How about , “he’s in hospital?” What happened to “in THE hospital?”
I don’t want to sound cranky though! Thanks for writing’
Deirdre LaMotte says
Thank you for this! It is comical receiving emails at work sprinkled
with the latest MBA speak. Totally contrived and just embarrassing.
When did we need to develop another way of commutating as
humans??
Laura J Oliver says
Thanks Deirdre. I didn’t want to be a complainer but I got to thinking about words as the point of entry to the column and then I couldn’t stop laughing. (I did have to cut a lot though!)
Michael Pullen says
Thanks again for your gift. Gratitude is a word I love, it fits perfectly here.
Laura J Oliver says
Thanks, Michael. Fits perfectly here too.
Debbie Latting says
My dad grew up with both your mother and your Aunt Lenora (also my Aunt Lenora). When dad met his second wife, he was often corrected for his Illinoian phrases and grammatical faux pas. My stepmother was indeed the grammar police and possibly her biggest pet peeve was anyone ending a question with “at.” She would quickly respond loudly with “behind the at.” Whenever I hear a question ending with “at,” I am reminded of her. I smile inwardly and remind myself that it is far more important to simply answer the question than it is to flash my red lights and issue a verbal citation. A kind response, no matter how twitchy it makes me, is always best… even from this English major who comes proudly from humble roots. P.S. I love your stories, Laura.
Laura Oliver says
Debbie, I totally agree with your commentary and conclusions! And I had to laugh at “flash my red lights and issue a verbal citation.” Great! I know we are related but I’m still confused about exactly how! You’ll have to messenger me from FB.
Thanks so much for reading and writing!