Out and About (Sort Of): Trump and Downton Abbey By Howard Freedlander

 

I heard a rumor that simply must be true. Donald Trump wants to develop a Downton Abbey-like community in the Bay Hundred area of Talbot County. With, of course, his inimitable signature, a Trump Tower.

This is no silly concoction. None of us want to let go of our constant companion for the past six years, the Masterpiece/Public Broadcasting System’s production of Downton Abbey. This captivating portrayal of British aristocracy and the men and women who served them became a staple of our Sunday evening lives and everyday conversations.

No dummy, certainly, and a person attuned to marketing, particularly of himself, Trump can easily visualize a hotel that looks exactly like the Downton Abbey mansion, a golf course that would imitate the grounds of the fictional British estate and, for extra measure, a magnificent high rise. After all, a replica of Downton Abbey would not suffice the out-sized ambition of DT.

So, folks, get ready for a Trumpian masterpiece in the Bay Hundred area.

As is his custom, Trump has done extensive research and concluded, “Downton Abbey, complemented by the tallest building on the Eastern Shore, must come to Talbot County. It will be the greatest. It will be terrific. I promise. I promise.”

Trump will import tons of dirt to create the undulating landscape of our favorite British estate. He will build a country home the likes of which our county has never witnessed. He will build a village to serve the guests who will flock to a Trump property. The staff of Trump’s Downton Abbey will dress as if they were living in 1925. The view from Trump Tower will breathtaking.

Can you imagine the transformation of a once peaceful and sedate area into the “best” hotel and golf course community in the Northern Hemisphere? Can you feel the pride that will overcome all of us in exclaiming to the world, “Trump has arrived in Talbot County?”

I understand that our governing officials are just salivating over the prospect of the Trump Abbey in our little part of the world. The tourism dollars will arrive in bucketful’s. No longer will there be any budget shortfalls. The real estate industry will go nuts over the increased property values that surely will result from this world-class recreational development in Talbot County.

I hear tell that plans are already drawn up. Property owners and their attorneys are reviewing sales contracts. Trump executives have enlisted Jack Nicholas, legendary golfer and golf course designer, to create the greatest course in the world. It will resemble the famed St. Andrews Golf Club in Scotland.

There’s more.

As we all know, The Donald is nothing but bold and innovative. Hugh Bonneville, Michelle Dockery, Maggie Smith, Allan Leech and the cast members of Downton Abbey have been signed up to make frequent visits to the American version of class and manners as defined by our British friends. So, celebrity-watching will become a full-time sport in our county. Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will be starving for attention.

For any of you out there who are not fond of Donald Trump and his terrific dealmaking, get a life. Like it or not, Trump’s Downton Abbey, with a tall exclamation point, is coming to Talbot County. Our lives surely will change for the better.

It matters not that traffic through St. Michaels will become permanently jammed, as if it were not bad enough at times.

Change is coming. And we know it will be classy and incredible. The greatest.

Trump and Downton Abbey. The combination is unbeatable. Trust me.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland.  Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He  also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer.  In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.