WHAT KIND OF MASKED MAN ARE YOU KEMOSABE?
Over the past few months my dog Annie and I have been observing the human traffic here in town. We have been focusing on face masks when she takes me for our morning walk. Our exhaustive study has revealed a set of mask wearing categories as well as some interesting information on these groups of humans. Annie supplied her evaluation of how safe it is to be around some of these people as well. So, here goes with our Mask Man Categories…
1. The I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S PATOOTIE group.
This category includes anyone walking around in public places in close proximity to others not wearing any face covering at all. These folks are also known as “Not On My Face You Don’t” advocates and may be dangerous to those around them when asked where their face masks are. Such questions often cause them to start a rant about the constitution or to break out in a coughing fit aimed right at you. Annie says to bite them on a leg and run. Their problems could be contagious.
2. The OPEN CARRY gang
These are the folks that carry their masks much like a purse. They can carry it in one hand but most often are seen carrying it by wrapping an ear loop around their wrist. They often seem in a daze, window shopping without realizing they are not alone in the world and may just bump into you unless you stay alert. Annie says to avoid these folks at all cost.
3. The HANGERS ON folks
These are the people you see with the mask hanging from one ear or the other but never both simultaneously. Our research may have uncovered an interesting fact about these folks. We now believe that if the mask hangs from the right ear they are republicans and if it hangs from the left ear they are democrats. Annie has nothing to add beyond that except to warn other dogs that if the mask falls from their ear, do not retrieve it with your mouth!
4. The SAGGING CHIN tribe
Unlike the HANGERS ON, these people are able to chew gum and use both ears simultaneously! Their mask goes around both ears and hangs below their chinny chin chins but never moves north of that location. Annie gave them a nickname, calling them her READY-WILLING-BUT-UNABLE peeps. They will walk right past you and never raise their masks. Annie often give them a GRRRRR as we pass by.
5. The I’M READY crew
From afar these crew members can easily be mistaken for the SAGGING CHIN bunch. But wait before you growl because as they get close to others they automatically raise their masks north of their noses where it remains until well clear of others. Annie gives them a high paw and an ARF ARF as we pass.
6. The FULL ON I CARE people
These are Annie’s favorites. Their masks are on covering their face from nose to chin when they are in public buildings or when walking outside in close proximity to others. You can tell that they not only care about themselves, but others as well. They obey the laws without grumbling about it. Annie gives them her highest praise with a triple ARF and a one full minute tail wag!
7. The OVERACHIEVERS
Annie and I have only seen this happen once, so we are not sure this really qualifies as a category. There was a young couple walking down Talbot Street while pushing a stroller that carried a toddler and walking their dog at the same time. All 4 were wearing masks full on. Annie was speechless, as was I.
But seriously folks, all of the real medical medical experts say WEAR A MASK and don’t leave home without it. It is only a few simple minded politicians and their minions that continually push to do away with them. Show others you care as much about their well being as you do your own…WEAR A MASK IN PUBLIC UNTIL THIS PROBLEM IS SOLVED!
Annie says thanks, and I do too.
Michael Estrella
Easton
Marion Donahue says
Love this! Thanks for a good laugh.
Michael Estrella says
I can’t tell you’re laughing if your mask is on! Lolol