Delmarva Review: “perhaps you’ve been there too” by Gwendolyn Jensen

Author’s Note: “This poem—a pantoum—has two sources: my first experience of love and marriage, and the remarkable Henry James novel The Portrait of a Lady, which gave me courage and language to speak about that experience. The pantoum’s pattern of repeated lines, which always seems to be looking back seemed a perfect vehicle for this tough subject. I hope you like it.”

perhaps you’ve been there too
after Henry James

it is hard to speak of this
too much too close too far
a place where I have been
perhaps you’ve been there too

too much too close too far
curled up tight inside
perhaps you’ve been there too
a sort of delirium

curled up tight inside
unschooled in the rite of survival
a sort of delirium
needing love and place

unschooled in the rite of survival
any place would do
needing love and place
love had no place for me

any place would do
and so I took the bait
love had no place for me
I made myself quite small

and so I took the bait
I gave up all of me
I made myself quite small
made room enough for him

I gave up all of me
to match the way he knew
made room enough for him
the right the only way

to match the way he knew
he knew what women were
the right the only way
I had thrown away my life

he knew what women were
it is hard to speak of this

I had thrown away my life
a place where I have been
perhaps you’ve been there too
♦
Gwendolyn Jensen began writing poems upon retirement from the presidency of Wilson College, in 2001. Her work has appeared in Harvard Review, Salamander, Beloit Poetry Journal, Sanskrit, Whistling Shade, and Measure, as well as Delmarva Review. Her first book, Birthright (Birch Brook Press, 2011), is a letterpress edition, now in a second printing. Her other books are As if toward Beauty (2015) and Graceful Ghost (2018), both by Birch Brook Press. Her poem “perhaps,” above, from the Delmarva Review will be included her new book of poetry, to be released in the fall. She lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Website: GwendolynJensen.com.

Delmarva Review is a national literary journal with strong regional roots. It publishes the best of new poetry and prose from thousands of submissions annually. The Review is an independent, 501(c)(3) journal, supported by contributions and a grant from the Talbot County Arts Council with funds from the Maryland State Arts Council. It is sold in paperback and digital editions at Amazon.com and other major online booksellers and specialty regional bookstores. Website: DelmarvaReview.org.