During the holiday season, when I’m particularly thankful for family and friends, I sometimes reflect on how many family members, friends, colleagues, and former couples no longer speak to one another. It seems as though it’s getting more difficult for us to get along. Or maybe it’s always been that way. Or maybe the world is simply less forgiving, crueler, crasser, and less kind.

Consider just a few of the “celebrity” relationships that have somehow dissolved: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Ben and Jerry, Dennis and Randy Quaid, Simon and Garfunkel, Hall and Oates, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, Macaulay Culkin and his dad, Meghan Markle and her dad, Brooke Shields and her mom; Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene, Mike Pence, Bill Barr, James Mattis, General Mark Milley, Chris Christie, Michael Cohen, H.R. McMaster, Omarosa, Anthony Scaramucci. (I could keep going.) 

Such rifts can be caused by incompatible values, jealousy, and lack of respect. Friendships can end because two people no longer share core values. Co-workers may have professional rivalries that lead to tensions and avoidance. Business partners relationships may sour over the direction of the company, politics, or personal conduct. 

Research suggests there are top 10 reasons marriages break up: Family (not being able to get along with the spouse’s family); lack of communication; stress; technology (not unplugging from it); selfishness; inability to forgive; loose boundaries; the past (not getting past it); dishonesty; and pride. 

Dr Gottman of the Gottman Institute identified four key behaviors which he labeled the four horsemen that indicate a relationship is in trouble: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. (I remember a therapist friend once told me that when she is doing couples therapy and senses contempt from one of the partners, she knows the relationship is doomed.)

Some friends have shared that they have broken off relationships because of substance abuse issues, cheating, boredom, financial issues, or just plain apathy. 

So, what’s the secret to getting along? Experts say it’s a combination of empathy and respect achieved through active listening, open-mindedness, and effective communication. Key practices include seeking to understand others, finding common ground, and showing general appreciation. 

Here are a few quotes that emphasize why getting along is worth the effort.

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Without friends, no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” Aristotle

“A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.” A. A. Milne Winnie-the-Pooh

“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love—whether we call it friendship or family or romance—is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” James Baldwin

Something to think about. 

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Maria Grant, a former principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

I’ve often thought about what a privilege and opportunity it would be to be the First Lady of the United States. What an amazing platform for championing causes through various initiatives and advocacy groups and for inspiring and motivating others to support those efforts. 

Here are some examples of how such First Lady advocacy movements have had an impact.

Dolley Madison saved national treasures, including a portrait of George Washington, and held social events to unite political opponents.

Abigail Adams was a vocal advocate for women’s rights and the abolition of slavery.

Eleanor Roosevelt championed civil rights, women’s rights, and human rights.

Jackie Kennedy spearheaded the historic restoration of the White House and founded the White House Historical Association to preserve its artifacts and history.

Lady Bird Johnson advocated for environmental protection and conservation, successfully championing the Highway Beautification Act. 

Betty Ford raised national awareness for breast cancer and was an open advocate for women’s rights and substance abuse treatment.

Rosalyn Carter was a prominent advocate for mental health reform and co-founded The Carter Center to advance human rights and alleviate suffering worldwide. 

Nancy Reagan led the “Just Say No” drug awareness and prevention campaign.

Barbara Bush and Laura Bush both championed literacy and educational initiatives.

Hillary Clinton led the task force on National Health Care Reform. 

Michelle Obama focused on fighting childhood obesity through her Let’s Move campaign and promoted healthy eating.

Jill Biden revitalized the Joining Forces initiative to support military families.

Each of these former First Ladies, with sincerity and credibility, focused on issues and causes that were near and dear to their hearts. 

In contrast, during her first term as First Lady, Melania Trump rolled out an anti-bullying campaign called “Be Best” which pretty much went nowhere, especially after she wore the “I Don’t Care Do U” jacket on a visit to child detention camps at the U.S.-Mexico border. I doubt that the irony was lost on many that bullying was her cause of choice given her husband’s proclivity to do exactly that.

During her second term, Melania wrote a letter to Putin asking him to protect the innocence of children. I’m not sure Putin is listening in that it is estimated that more than 660 Ukrainian children have been killed and more than 19,000 children have been kidnapped since Russia’s full-scale invasion. (Melania should have also considered writing a letter to her husband about the innocence of children given his slashing of SNAP benefits, Head Start funding, pediatric cancer research funding, and rolling back of environmental regulations that promote cleaner air and water.)

Last week, Melania spoke to soldiers at a military base in North Carolina and explained to them that thanks to artificial intelligence soldiers would soon be replaced by robots. I am sure the soldiers welcomed that piece of dystopian wisdom. 

The New York Times has reported that during the first 108 days of Trump’s second term, Melania spent 14 days at the White House, instead flying at considerable expense, between Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower. (Each of these flights—and remember there are several each month—are estimated to cost taxpayers approximately $65,000 between flight costs and Secret Service protection.)

Amazon is paying Melania $40 million for a documentary on her life. It is estimated that she will receive 70 percent of those funds. 

Many First Ladies have authored books after their time in office was over. None other than Melania have profited in such fashion while in office.

It’s difficult to understand why someone with such a compelling and powerful platform would essentially choose to go radio silent. There is much to be done to make this country a better place. It’s a sad day when a person in the catbird’s seat chooses to look the other way. 

While I am disappointed in Melania’s meager contributions to worthy causes, on this Thanksgiving week, I am grateful to so many former First Ladies for their advocacy and efforts to improve our country. It’s a reminder to all of us that we too can invest in worthy causes to make the world a better place. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature. 

For a long time, I’ve known that the world does not provide a level playing field. Some folks are privileged. Others are not. Some live long healthy lives. Other lives are cut short by illness, accidents, or just plain bad luck. Some folks have large robust families. Others experience one tragic loss after another. Most of us try to make the best of our lot in life and roll with the punches.

But this year feels different. It’s hard to believe in a system that is chock full of grift, lies, immorality, and cruelty. The people in charge seem shallow, selfish, vindictive, and sometimes downright evil. 

One of the feelings many of us have these days is disappointment. We’re disappointed with the country, with voters (and non-voters), and with the ripple effect of many decisions and policies coming down the pike. 

Mental health professionals recommend acknowledging these feelings which can help lower their intensity. Journaling thoughts also can provide clarity and a mental release from turmoil. 

Here are some other suggestions to conquer disillusionment. 

Practice mindful exercises which can result in patience, acceptance, and self-compassion.

Take up a new hobby such as painting, gardening, knitting, or learning a new language.

Volunteer. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose, combat depression, and increase life satisfaction. 

Establish a routine. Routines can provide stability which can be comforting during turbulent times. 

Detox from social media and reevaluate how much time you spend scrolling through information. Ask yourself if it’s causing more harm than good. Listen to the inner voice that guides you.

Focus on nature. Find ways to connect with nature and calm down. 

Meditate. Meditation comes in many forms. Create a meditation practice or find a new method that works for you.

Move. Find a joyful exercise that resonates with you—dance, yoga, Zumba, stretching, kayaking, bicycling, swimming–they all can do the trick. 

Go easy on the booze. It may temporarily drown your sorrows, but long-term it’s more of a problem than a solution.

Connect with others. Cultivate friends and family you can trust with whom you have no fear of judgment. Such people can bring joy and harmony to your life. 

The Spanish philosopher and essayist George Santayana claimed that disillusionment is a pathway to wisdom. In short, he said that disillusionment can be a catalyst for change, and result in a plan of action. 

I agree. According to The Economist, Trump’s approval rating has dropped to 39 percent—no recent president’s popularity has fallen so low so quickly. 

The recent movements against Trump and his agenda are making a difference. Democrats are mobilizing and making strategic decisions as to which specific actions will move the needle. This month’s elections were a positive step forward. 

In addition, Democrats are becoming more pragmatic. Their messaging is focusing on the economy and cost of living. They are engaging at the local level. They’re focusing on electing even more Democratic governors in the next election and putting significant amounts of time and money into the 40 or so candidates running in swing districts. 

Democrats are also focusing on voter turnout. A major reason Trump won the last election was because an estimated 89 million Americans, or about 36 percent of the country’s voting eligible population, did not vote. Democrats are on a major messaging campaign to ensure that they mobilize these voters to get to the polls in 2026 and 2028. 

There is much more work to be done. But momentum is growing. Lessons are being learned. Let’s hope a wiser and broader swath of America arrives at the polls in the upcoming elections. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature.

My friends, relatives and I are depressed. The world is going to hell in a handbasket. The government shutdown is the longest in history. Flights are cancelled. Inflation is rising. The country is even more polarized. What to do? 

In addition to taking active steps to promote positive change, music can lighten your mood and soothe your troubled soul. It can bring peace, solace, and hope for a better tomorrow. Here is my suggested playlist to make the clouds go away. 

Four Seasons, Vivaldi—a beautiful painting of nature in sound

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Harlen—where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops

Ode to Joy, Beethoven—a celebration of freedom, joy, and hope for the future

Mary’s Place, Springsteen—After 911, Springsteen wanted one happy song on his album. This is it.

I Got Rhythm, Gershwin—daisies in green pastures—who could ask for anything more?

Who Believes in Angels? John/Carlile—even the diamonds look like rocks to the untrained eye 

Piano Trio No. 4 in E Major, Mozart—the crowning glory of Mozart’s work in this genre

Here Comes the Sun, Beatles–the smiles returning to their faces  

Happy Days are Here Again, Ager—campaign song for FDR. Best version song by Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand

Piano Concerto in A Minor, Grieg—captivating, lyrical, and exuberant! 

The Entertainer, Scott Joplin—ragtime at its best

Carmen Overture, Bizet—over-the-top brilliant melodies, harmonies, and orchestration

You’ve Got a Friend, Carol King–I will be there to brighten up even your darkest night

My Funny Valentine, Rodgers and Hart—you make me smile with my heart 

Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding—watching the ships roll in 

Singin in the Rain, Brown, sung by Gene Kelly—the sun’s in my heart and I’m ready for love

Plato once wrote, “Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.” Amen. 

Dear readers, I would love for you to share the music that soothes your souls.

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature. 

Over the last several months, President Trump and his minions have repeatedly claimed that America is getting screwed. Foreign countries have rigged the rules of the game. They cheat, they plunder, they rob. Most of these claims center around trade imbalances. Of course, none of these issues are simple matters of math. Rather they involve complex concepts involving scale, natural resources, location, and so much more. (Personally, I agree with President Reagan when he said that over the long run trade barriers eventually hurt American workers and consumers.)

Here are a few examples of America getting screwed, according to the Trump train.

The European Union was formed to screw America. 

China, Mexico, and Canada are screwing America because of trade deficits. 

Immigrants are screwing America by committing crimes and draining our resources. 

The Media is screwing America with fake news, spreading lies and working against the Administration.

Elite academic institutions are screwing America by embracing “woke” policies and propagating “anti-American values.”   

Employers’ DEI initiatives are screwing America, resulting in unqualified applicants obtaining positions, and more qualified applicants being pushed aside. 

The Federal Reserve Board is screwing America by delaying the lowering of interest rates.

America is being conned on environmental issues, specifically regarding climate change and renewable energy. Trump’s exact words: “The greatest con job ever perpetrated on the world.” 

Americans are getting screwed because the federal government gives too much money to support developing countries—way more than America’s fair share. Hence the demolition of USAID and other humanitarian assistance.

Sigmund Freud developed a psychoanalytic theory called projection–the concept of accusing others of what you are guilty of. Let’s take a closer look at exactly who is screwing who. A short list of people and entities that Trump has screwed follows. 

A chauffeur driver sued Trump because he never got paid for mammoth amounts of overtime pay.

A Philadelphia cabinet maker filed bankruptcy because Trump refused to pay the final cabinet bill.

A drapery business in Las Vegas closed because Trump shorted it on its final bill to a tune of $380,000.

A contractor that installed toilet partitions in Trump’s Atlantic City casino received only 30 cents on the dollar. The contract was for $23l,0000. The contractor received $70,000. 

Trump hired 200 undocumented immigrants from Poland to build Trump Tower. No records were kept. No Social Security payments or taxes were paid. No overtime was paid to workers who frequently worked twelve-hour days. 

A piano seller who sold several grand and upright pianos to Trump’s casino was screwed out of $30,000—a huge hit for a small business. 

Thousands of students were defrauded by Trump University, a for-profit real estate seminar that Trump’s team developed which was not accredited. 

Trump’s charity was formed only for personal and political purposes and was eventually forced to shut down. 

Since the beginning of his second term, Trump has taken or proposed at least 350 actions that directly threaten the environment, climate, and human health, including rollbacks of environmental and health laws, and attacking well-established science and scientists—essentially screwing progress for a safer and healthier environment for current and future generations. 

Last year, more than 1.1 million international students contributed $448 million to the U.S. economy. The Trump administration’s draconian cuts to research and stricter regulations around international students are screwing Americans—the former brain gain is becoming a major brain drain as universities and think tanks outside the U.S encourage students and researchers to come to their shores. 

In spite of Trump’s claims that DEI initiatives result in incompetence at all levels, Trump’s current cabinet has been ranked the third worst in history. (Warren G. Harding’s came in first and Ulysses S. Grant’s came in second.) Trump’s cabinet has been criticized for lack of qualifications, appointments based on loyalty over capability, conflicts of interest, and overall, extremely poor vetting. The result: America is screwed by not receiving competent advice based on deep expertise on issues such as health, defense, intelligence, justice, and education. 

Since the shutdown of USAID in July of this year, it has been reported that an estimated 526,610 deaths have been caused by the funding discontinuation, including more than 355,620 children. Trump just gave Argentina USAID’s entire yearly budget— a $20 billion bailout (which may soon become $40 billion) that will primarily benefit various extremely wealthy hedge fund managers. 

Trump’s contentions that he has been screwed, shorted, and abused, along with the rest of America, are beyond absurd. This is a man who has cheated on every one of his three wives, shorted literally hundreds of vendors, shirked from paying his fair-share of taxes, and participated in a host of fraudulent schemes.

As a result of Trump’s policies, the national debt has increased, trade wars are running rampant, environmental policies have been rolled back, healthcare premiums are rising, scientific research is being stymied, and political polarization is increasing.

 One man, his administration, and his cohorts are the screwees. Science, affordable healthcare, the environment, the ill and disadvantaged, developing countries, our allies, and future generations are the victims. 

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Maria Grant, formerly the principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature.

Lately I’ve been reading articles that claim the reason Trump won the election is because voters saw him as authentic. You know, he speaks his mind. So, I guess when you wax poetic about Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt’s lips, or tell Princess Kate of Wales and Attorney General Pam Bondi, they’re beautiful, or tell a reporter she’s ugly and stupid, we now consider these comments to be authentic behavior. Such behavior used to be called rude, crude, and singularly unattractive. Plus, objectifying women was typically not a cause for celebration. 

The original Mona Lisa is authentic. The Declaration of Independence is authentic. Bruce Springsteen is authentic. Frankly, I don’t think there is much of anything authentic about Donald Trump. Here’s why.

There are those who claim Donald Trump is an authentic great businessman. No, he isn’t. The New York Times claimed that over the years Trump inherited at least $413 million from his father. His companies filed for bankruptcy six times. Before he became president in 2016, Trump was involved in more than 4,000 legal cases including battles with casino patrons, real estate lawsuits, personal defamation lawsuits, housing discrimination lawsuits, and business tax disputes. 

Then there are those who say Trump looks authentic. No, he doesn’t. His hair color changes weekly going from blond to white to strawberry blond and involves complicated weaves, blow drying, and strong styling products. Add to that tanning booths, orange makeup, white circles around the eyes, Botox under the eyebrows, chin makeup that ends abruptly, suits with padded shoulders, and those ultra long silk ties. There are those who opine that he disappears for two days each month to tend to various beauty regimes. And then there are those who state that all this focus on his “look” smacks of strong insecurity and massive vanity issues. 

Some supporters have stated that Trump is an authentically great golfer. No, he isn’t. Read the book Commander in Cheat by Rick Reilly, who accuses Trump of moving the ball to obtain better positions, taking multiple mulligans (re-do’s), and claiming club championships with questionable validity.

On numerous occasions, Trump has told the public that he has excellent taste. No, he doesn’t. His signature style has been labelled “dictator chic.” In a short period of time, he has turned the Oval Office into a tacky gilded embarrassing nightmare. And stay tuned for this absurd ballroom harking back to shades of Versailles. So much for simplicity and understated elegance.

Sociologists claim that authentic people forge their own path. They do not seek validation through things. They reserve judgment until all facts are in. They are generous and treat other people with respect. They are not driven by their own egos, and they are not hypocritical. 

Trump checks zero of those boxes. 

Trump’s supporters state that Trump is the ultimate outsider. That’s why they like him. There is ultimate irony in that statement given he is the ultimate insider trader (especially when it comes to crypto) and also has the inside track with a host of CEOs—think Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, Micron—the list goes on. 

Trump’s supporters also say Trump is unfiltered, and they find that refreshing. Such unfiltered talk can soon become dangerous and result in damaging rhetoric. Democratic norms are cast aside and replaced with totalitarian proclamations. Wait, isn’t that already happening?

 In the play All’s Well that Ends Well, Shakespear wrote, “No legacy is as rich as honesty.”  Yes, Trump is enriching himself during his presidency, but it has nothing to do with honesty and authenticity. Instead, he has thrown accountability, respect, truth, and decency out the window, and replaced them with a gaudy vulgar, and phony veneer—just like the gilded gold in the renovated Oval Office. 

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Maria Grant was principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm. While on the Eastern Shore, she focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature.