During troubled times like these, it’s a good idea to take a break and read a novel. Why? Because this pastime forces you to think about life in its totality–the world’s history, misdeeds, progress, and sometimes offers the possibility of hope.

I have found solace in novels this past year. Here are some of my favorites.

Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver. I’m a huge fan of all her work. I loved Demon Copperhead and The Poisonwood Bible. Unsheltered does not disappoint. It’s about two families who live next door to each other in New Jersey, 145 years apart. In both cases, their homes are falling apart, and no one has the wherewithal to shelter their family from within. This construct allows Kingsolver to contrast the fear of a Trump presidency (well-founded, I might add) with the controversy that ensued over Darwin’s ideas, considered radical at the time. Such a construct confronts the possibility of the collapse of not only our societies, but our shelters and the social order. This theme encourages readers to think about how to seek their own shelters as the world shifts around us. 

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. I was a bit skeptical about this novel as the story is told through letters, emails, and journal entries. I ended up loving it. The story is about a retired law clerk named Sybil who writes to family, friends, authors, and academics. These correspondences illustrate the power of connection while grappling with the human condition, grief, joy, aging, and the power of forgiveness. NPR named it the best book of the year. I agree. 

Heart the Lover by Lily King. As a former undergraduate and graduate student of English literature, I’m a sucker for novels with tons of literary references. Heart the Lover is chock full of them. While reading the novel, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much research went into all the back stories about authors, their plots, and famous sentences. Heart the Lover is about a woman who ultimately wants to be a writer. It’s about what happens when friends turn into lovers, when friends screw up, wise up, find themselves, and realize what they have lost in the process. Literary references in the novel include The Great Gatsby, The Magic Mountain, Ulysses, Finnegan’s Wake, Confessions of Saint Augustine, The Aeneid, Othello, Macbeth, Crime and Punishment, Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary, As I Lay Dying, The Sun Also Rises, and The Golden Bowl. In referencing these novels, King emphasizes how literature shapes the characters’ understanding of love, loss, and personal identity. 

An Inside Job by Daniel Silva. If you are seeking a delightful escape into the world of art, finance, and Italy, this is the novel for you. An Inside Job is Silva’s 25th book in the Gabriel Allon series. I have read all of them. They are a great way to learn more about Renaissance art, the art dealing industry, and espionage tactics. Plus, the novel is just a good old-fashioned engaging “who-done-it” page turner. In this novel, a painting in the Vatican that may have been painted by da Vinci goes missing, and a young intern in the Vatican’s art department turns up dead. Allon uncovers a network of lies stretching from the Vatican to financial brokers to the Italian mafia. 

Among Friends by Hal Ebbott. This novel is about two families whose long-term friendship is shattered by a shocking betrayal during a birthday celebration at a New York country house. It dives deep into the fascinating exploration of what happens when you are betrayed by your best friend. How do you recover? Can you recover? Can you mentally convince yourself that everything can return to the way it was? I read this novel a few months ago, and its major themes continue to haunt me. I find myself thinking about the characters and their reactions to various events a crazy amount of time. I’m glad I read this book. 

What I love about all these novels are the themes of the devastating ramifications of our decisions, our mistakes, and the difficulties of leading a truly moral life. 

In The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde wrote, “Modern morality consists in accepting the standard of one’s age. I consider that for any man of culture to accept the standard of his age is a form of the grossest immorality.” 

Something to think about in 2026. 

Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

 

Many people have died during the first year of Trump’s second term. A majority of them have been people of color. Here’s a brief summary. 

Thiry-two people died in ICE detention centers in 2025. At least seven of them died in the first 100 days of the administration.

Three people died in accidents while running from ICE raids.

Various reports suggest that cuts to international aid caused up to 14 million deaths globally.

Last year, more than 100,000 Americans were killed by gun violence.

Reports indicate that there have been at least 115 deaths in more than 35 boat strikes off Venezuelan waters between September 2025 and January 2026. So far, the administration has provided little evidence that the targeted vessels were carrying drugs, or that all victims were involved in drug trafficking. 

Venezuelan officials report that approximately 100 Venezuelans were killed during the U.S. operation to capture Maduro. During Trump’s press conference after Maduro’s capture, no mention was made of those deaths. The only mention of death was when Trump stated that no Americans were killed, and only two Americans were injured. 

Just last week, Renee Nicole Good was shot and killed by an ICE officer in Minneapolis. Two people were injured, one seriously, by federal officers in Portland, Oregon, the day after the Minneapolis shooting. 

Trump has been deeply disturbed by White South Africans being killed but has not expressed that same outrage about the Black people who have been murdered in South Africa and other nations.

Since the beginning of his second term, Trump has painted over Black Lives Matter murals and scrubbed stories about Navajo Code Talkers from museums in yet another effort to erase non-White history. He has removed Black historical figures from national websites; signed an executive order attacking the National Museum of African American History; rolled back DEI initiatives; and reinstalled Confederate memorials that had been removed. 

Trump has called Somali immigrants “garbage,” and said, “We don’t want them in our country. Let them go back to where they came from.” He has continued to seal the country to refugees around the world, reserving only a limited number of slots for White South Africans. (He has also stated that he wishes more White people from Denmark would immigrate to the U.S. rather than the current “garbage” who are here. That wish is unlikely to be realized given Trump’s obsession with taking over Greenland.) 

In a recent interview with The New York Times, Trump stated that the landmark Civil Rights Act of 1964 led to white people being treated “very badly.” In response, NAACP President Derrick Johnson stated that there is no evidence that White people have been discriminated against as a result of the civil rights movement. 

Trump’s Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller has a history of political extremism. He was the architect of family separations at the border. His leaked emails shared white nationalist talking points. And his former work in government has consistently targeted people of color, immigrants, and LGBTQ Americans. 

When conservative activist Charlie Kirk was murdered in that horrific incident, Miller, Vance, and Trump pronounced that anyone who repeated Kirk’s very own words which many would interpret as racist or sexist should be called out. Their employers should fire them immediately. Some employers took those demands seriously and several employees lost their jobs. 

Contrast the casualness of minority deaths with the outcry over White deaths with the kind of recruitment that is going on right now for more ICE agents. When the “One Big Beautiful Bill” passed, it included almost $75 billion extra for ICE agents, making ICE the largest law enforcement agency in the country, outstripping even the FBI. 

To meet its hiring targets, ICE has removed age restrictions and cut the training time in half. It is also using some far-right websites in its recruiting efforts. Scholars have connected some of the recruiting to Proud Boy rhetoric as well. 

Keep in mind that the majority of ICE arrestees do not have criminal records. Only roughly eight percent of them have been convicted of a crime. Many critics say that the current ICE recruitment strategy uses violent video game metaphors, encourages extremism and racist indoctrination, and suggests that ICE will make America different than what it currently is. In essence it presents the new America as a violent but White place. 

Martin Luther King once said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” 

The casual collateral damage rhetoric that surfaces from this Administration when people of color are killed or treated with cruelty and no due process will result in severe consequences. This mindset impacts international relations, domestic stability, and societal well-being. 

Actions to curtail the current momentum have never been more important. Ensuring that voters are informed about current threats to our democracy and mobilizing as many as possible to vote this November will make a difference. Act now. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature. 

When I do my year in review, examples of over-the-top spending at almost obscene levels come to mind. 

A case in point. Jeff Bezos. Bezos owns a $165 million mansion in Beverly Hills; a $23 million home in DC; a $500 million superyacht featuring its own support yacht and helicopter pad; a $75 million private jet. His three-day wedding extravaganza reportedly cost $55 million and involved 90 private jets and 30 water taxis for the 250 VIP guests. The couple spent the holiday in Aspen before jetting off to St, Barts for some high-end shopping and mingling with the glitterati, including Leonardo DiCaprio and his girlfriend. I could go on.

Trump spent 15 days at Mar-a-Lago in December. He played golf at least 12 times, hosted a variety of gala dinners with excessive displays of fancy food, glitz, entertainment, etc. Last week, he had his motorcade veer from its usual route to the golf course to stop at a stone and tile shop so that he could select marble and onyx for his ridiculously large White House ballroom. During these little jaunts, helicopters fly overhead and increased security surround him. 

Already Trump has spent half a billion dollars in tax funds for vanity projects such as a military parade, a statuary garden, an upgrade to Air Force One, Oval Office décor and furniture, plus all the gold and glitz he added throughout the white House. (I’ve read several articles that predict that the next President will spend a substantial sum of money getting rid of all these so-called “enhancements.”) 

Trump’s plans for his spectacular birthday party in July 2026 to mark the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence are estimated to cost taxpayers $100 million.

Speaking of wasting tax-payer dollars, the National Guard deployments to L.A., DC, Portland, Chicago, and Memphis that nobody wanted are estimated to cost more than $473 million—a number that could pay for approximately 2,585 federal government employee jobs.

Meanwhile Trump has cut domestic spending by approximately $163 billion, including cuts to agencies charged with monitoring weather, scientific research, public health programs, and so much more. SNAP benefits and health care premiums have been negatively impacted and the costs to average Americans are predicted to continue to go much higher.

According to data from the Congressional Budget Office, wealth inequality has been rising steeply in the U.S. over the last 30 years. The top one percent of earners now owns nearly 30 percent of the total wealth in this country, with the bottom 50 percent owning only four percent of that wealth.

What happens when income inequality gets out of control? Social cohesion erodes, economic growth is hindered, and political polarization increases. 

Specifically, the economic impacts include slower growth, reduced mobility, and increased debt. From a societal perspective, heightened inequality breaks down community bonds and trust between different economic groups. Health for many citizens worsens, and people’s self-worth and fulfillment are diminished. 

So why is it so difficult for Americans to take steps to correct these disparities—steps such as increasing the minimum wage, taxing the rich more heavily, or providing basic income for all?

Sociologists claim that biases get in our way. Americans are often accused of zero-sum thinking—that is the belief that lifting someone else’s boat will cause their boat to sink lower. We also tend to blame personality traits rather than outside influences when people suffer from poverty. Labeling people who have not been given many privileges as lazy and unmotivated is an example of that behavior. 

There is also something called the halo effect. We credit successful people with positive qualities that may not be relevant to their success. 

So, what to do about all this income inequality? Sociologists suggest that we become more aware of our biases and understand how such thinking works against all of us. They suggest we slow down our biased thinking, imagine a better future together, and promote policy changes that drive down income inequality which would result in a happier and more cohesive society. 

Plutarch famously stated, “An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailments of all republics.” 

Let’s hope our country gets serious about addressing the inequality issue in 2026. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature. 

The end of the year is a good time to take stock and identify what’s working and what’s not. This year such an exercise is especially important as, in my opinion, there is much that is not working. We cannot afford to repeat 2025. Here are some actions to consider as we enter 2026.

Get out the Vote! We need many more Americans to vote in 2026 than voted in 2024. Several initiatives are underway to do just that. Also, a detailed analysis of swing districts on which to focus is important. Get involved in supporting these efforts. Become a poll watcher or join forces with constituents who are taking steps to ensure election integrity. 

On Maryland’s Eastern Shore, hopes are high that the First District will be much more competitive if a Blue Wave occurs. Andy “Handgun” Harris, who pledged to serve no more than six terms in the House and has now served eight, could be defeated once and for all.  

Embrace diversity, equity, and inclusion. The Administration’s efforts to dismantle the progress we have made in these areas undermine democracy and rob America of the contributions made from large swaths of our population. Such divisive efforts promote racism and discrimination. One of the things that makes America great is its diversity–its melting pot roots. Returning to White male supremacy or embracing oligarchy is a huge mistake. Let’s celebrate and embrace our differences and reject efforts to return to a white-bread world order. 

Preserve our environment. The damage this Administration has done to the environment is downright unconscionable. Trump has withdrawn the U.S. from the Paris Agreement. He has rolled back or weakened numerous regulations on greenhouse gas emissions, replacing them with less stringent rules. He has championed coal, oil, and gas production, opening tracts of public lands and ocean waters to new drilling. He has discouraged renewable energy projects. He has rolled back the Clean Water Act and protections for wetlands and streams. He has weakened the Endangered Species Act. He has undermined science and research by cutting critical research funding, firing government scientists, and removing climate change information from federal websites. 

Specifically on the Eastern Shore, because of Trump’s policies, the city of Crisfield has lost $36 million in federal funding from the FEMA program aimed at flood mitigation and managing rising sea levels. The Administration has actively sought to block the development of Maryland’s first offshore wind farm near Ocean City. It has also proposed drastic cuts to the Chesapeake Bay Cleanup Program and weakened federal clean water regulations which could eliminate protections for thousands of acres of wetlands and headwater streams vital to the Bay’s health. The Administration’s regulatory rollbacks have weakened limits on mercury and other toxic emissions from power plants and coal ash disposal, posing risks to air and water quality in our region. Plus, the removal of climate and research data is hindering access to information vital to plan for specific impacts of climate change. 

Fighting these environmental rollbacks involves a multi-pronged approach including legal actions, state level initiatives, public advocacy, and civic engagement. Do your research and get involved. It’s important.

Support the Arts. We on the Eastern Shore are the lucky ones to have top-tier music and art at our fingertips. These nonprofit organizations need your support to thrive and continue to bring culture at its best to the public at large. Do what you can to contribute to their funding drives. Also encourage your friends and neighbors to attend concerts and gallery openings. It’s vital to keep the momentum going. 

This year the options are plentiful. Check out Chesapeake Music’s website for information on its many concerts next year, including concerts in February and March, a Competition in April, June Festival concerts, Interlude concerts throughout the year and more; Gabriela Montero’s concert series at the Ebenezer Theater; Mid-Atlantic Symphony performances; the Avalon Theater’s bountiful programming; the Art Academy’s many exhibits; and the numerous galleries and shops open on Easton’s First Friday Gallery Walks. 

If the past year has taught us anything, it’s the importance of community engagement to address issues and promote workable solutions. Freedom is not free. We must work to preserve democracy, civility, empathy, and justice. 

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “The future depends on what you do today.”  

Peter Drucker, the revolutionary Austrian American management consultant, educator, and author, once wrote, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

And perhaps most importantly, Plato told us, “The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.” 

Amen. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

Let’s face it. This has been a tough year. It seems like almost every week there has been some kind of tragedy—murder, catastrophic weather, shootings, and more. Plus, many of us feel totally alienated by the goings on of the current administration. 

So, what to do? Perhaps it’s time to reflect on the simple pleasures that offer hope and glimmers of joy.in our lives. Here are some pleasures on my list this year. 

The many magnificent local concerts I’ve heard this year including those sponsored by Chesapeake Music, Gabriela Montero, Mid-Atlantic Symphony, the Avalon, and Oxford Community Center. How lucky are we to have such fabulous sounds at our fingertips!

My wonderful neighbors grow beets in their vegetable garden. They bring me jars of pickled beets that are beyond delicious.

My two book clubs have provided substantive conversations about books and the human condition. This year’s books included Henry James’ The Turn of the Screw; Lily King’s Heart the Lover; Yael Van der Wouden’s The Safekeep, Barbara Kingsolver’s Unsheltered, and Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. 

Behind our home in Florida, lives a gopher tortoise that we named Kevin. He brings a smile to my face every time he saunters down the path, basking in sunshine and checking out the neighborhood.

Our community’s Habitat for Humanity campaign raised enough dollars to sponsor yet another house in the area. It warms our hearts to know that another family will have shelter this holiday season. 

Our own gardens harvested a bumper crop of tomatoes this year, all shapes and sizes that were super sweet and tasty. We also had a successful cutting garden which meant vases of zinnias, lilies, and daisies on the screened porch and kitchen table. 

I began taking boating lessons and, although still far from adept at handling our boat, I can now navigate our waters using auto pilot and the Garmin system, which gives me a sense of accomplishment. I have much more to learn during next year’s boating season. 

Many coffees, lunches and dinners with friends and neighbors have provided connections, some laughs, and some much-needed commiserations about the state of our union. 

During my bike rides in Florida this season, I have come upon horned owls, great blue herons, eagles, roseate spoonbills, egrets, osprey, green herons, pelicans, and mottled ducks. What a special treat it is to see them in their nests and nearby ponds. I’ve even been fortunate enough to spot a few pods of manatees searching for warmer waters during a brief cold spell. 

I’ve done quite a bit of cooking this year including, of course, making a ton of crabcakes. I’ve also made spaghetti squash chicken parmesan, coq au vin, lasagna, and blackened salmon, just to name a few. These dinners have led to interesting conversations and some much-needed laughter. 

When I think about what could make things better next year, getting more people out to vote in 2026 is at the top of my list. It’s hard to believe that close to 90 million Americans failed to go to the polls in 2024. I am heartened by so many initiatives currently underway to ensure that that doesn’t happen next year. 

The writer Oscar Wilde once wrote, “Simple pleasures are the last healthy refuge in a complex world.”

This is a good year to remember those wise words. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about exactly when such qualities got put on the back burner or perhaps shoved out the door. 

In the last several weeks, I’ve seen photos of the White House Press Secretary and her friend posing in string bikinis; a photo of Gwyneth Paltrow posing in a garden nude to celebrate her 50th birthday; at least 10 photos of Lauren Sanchez clothed in extremely suggestive outfits, including at formal events  such as White House dinners; Jennifer Lopez in sheer see-through garb; Hailey Bieber in what could charitably be described as a bikini; Madonna with rollers in her hair posing half-naked while sitting on a toilet; Sabrina Carpenter’s album cover which depicts her on her hands and knees while a man pulls her hair; and Halle Berry posing naked in bed while drinking a cup of coffee. 

Don’t get me wrong, in terms of those women who are older, I think it’s great that so many of them look fantastic. But one can celebrate such great looks in a tasteful and discrete fashion, which can often be even more attractive. 

In the past few months, the leader of the free world has called various female reporters little piggy, stupid, horrible, obnoxious, nasty, ugly both inside and out, and more. He has called Somalians garbage. He has called some African countries “shitholes.” He has called immigrants rapists, murderers, and crooks. He has called others “low I.Q. individuals,” and “filthy, dirty, disgusting losers.”  

No warm and cozy feelings are emanating from this administration this season. Even Melanias’s holiday decorations, though somewhat less harsh than last time around, don’t smack of inviting. Some “Be Best” themed trees are decorated with bright blue butterflies. No menorahs are in sight anywhere. New York magazine described the vibe as, “Darth Vader surveys progress on the second Death Star.” 

Couple that with the far from quietly sophisticated décor that one used to see in the oval office, now overrun with over-the-top glitz and gold, ornate décor, gold figurines–even gold coasters and gold trim on crown moldings. The quiet subtle charm of the “people’s house” is long gone.

According to articles I’ve read recently, people who lack subtlety, class, and sophistication display some of the following behaviors. They constantly interrupt others. They are unkind to service staff. They gossip about others. They lack gratitude. They make fun of others. They brag loudly. And they treat people differently based on their status. Any of this sound familiar? 

 I find this current mindset extremely depressing. So, why is this happening? What’s going on with all this cruelty, coldness, and lack of discretion?

Sociologists claim that the lack of sophistication and kindness derives from intensified individualism, economic pressures, valuing achievements over character, political polarization, and the isolating effects of technology which lead to decreased empathy, and a focus on self-interest over community. There is also a fear of vulnerability which can lead to less compassion and more rudeness.

So, what can be done to curb some of these traits and replace them with more positive ones that lean towards kindness and empathy, gratitude, and respect, listening more than speaking, and valuing the differences in people?

Here are some suggestions from the experts.

Focus on cultivating intellectual depth—read widely on various subjects which encourages engaging in thoughtful conversations.

Refine your communication skills. After listening carefully, speak thoughtfully and articulately, rather than impulsively.

Pay attention to presentation. Focus on good grooming and appropriate attire for the occasion, rather than shocking and provocative choices of clothing. Maintain poise and a tasteful appearance. 

Develop cultural awareness. Study art, music, history, and customs of various cultures, which not only will make you a more interesting person but also help you navigate diverse social situations gracefully. 

Mind your manners and etiquette. Learn and practice social graces, demonstrate empathy and consideration for others. 

To promote kindness in our society, we can all focus on practicing active listening, offer thoughtful gestures, use courteous language, volunteer, and be generous with our time. 

I am heartened when I witness thoughtful people help elderly people cross the street, or carry their groceries, or do an errand for them. These acts of kindness make their days and give them rays of hope for meaningful days to come.

It’s sometimes difficult to set a good example and do the right thing when those at the top of the heap are anything but role models. But I believe it’s just such a time when the rest of us must rise up and become “better angels.” 

Let’s not forget that quiet sophistication is about understated elegance, finding strength in silence, and clarity through simplicity. The holiday season is a great time to reflect on these truths and renew our efforts to focus on kindness, empathy, and getting back to basics. 

Here are some quotes that promote those traits. 

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”  Coco Chanel 

“Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” Francis Bacon

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo da Vinci

Simplicity. Silence. Sophistication. Some things to think about. 

 

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Maria Grant was principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm. While on the Eastern Shore, she focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

A few years ago, when I was out of town, my husband suffered a pseudo aneurysm which caused him to pass out on the floor. Our goldendoodle woke him up by licking him on the face. My husband called me, and I advised him to dial 911 immediately. After an ambulance ride to a local hospital, and then another ambulance ride to Georgetown hospital, and a required surgery, the situation was resolved. My husband credits our dog for saving his life. That dog seldom left his bedside during the two weeks of his recovery.

Last week, I read an article about a woman who was dying in her hospital bed. She asked if her dog could be allowed to stay on the bed with her. She wanted him to be sure to know that she was dying, and she wasn’t just disappearing and abandoning him. She said if he stayed there with her, he would understand.

On the local news, two nights ago, a house was fully engulfed in flames. A firefighter and a rescue dog entered the house. The dog found a baby at the back of the house whom the firefighter carried to safety. Unfortunately, the baby’s mother had already died before the rescue team arrived. 

Then the next day on the news there was a story about an older man who decided to go for a hike in the woods by himself. It got dark. He got super tired and fell asleep. A rescue team led by a rescue dog found him. An ambulance was called, and the man is now recovering from dehydration.

Search and rescue dogs save millions of lives each year. It is estimated that one military rescue dog can save as many as 150 lives during its career in a combat zone. In addition to search and rescue dogs, thousands of therapy dogs assist people with disabilities such as vision, hearing, PTSD, and more. And then there are therapy dogs that provide emotional support in hospitals, schools, nursing homes, and mental health facilities. 

Sometimes I wonder whether people really appreciate how smart dogs are. Research suggests that the average dog has an IQ of about 100, Dogs possess unique forms of intelligence that often surpass human abilities, such as an acute sense of smell. 

Average dogs can learn about 165 words and signals. They can understand simple arithmetic such as knowing when a treat is missing. Dogs are highly adept at reading human body language (much more so than humans) and can display a range of emotions, such as joy, fear, anger, jealousy, and empathy. They have great problem-solving skills and can solve puzzles, toy challenges, figure out how to open cabinets, and find alternative routes.

Dog breeds that rank high in intelligence include border collies, poodles, German shepherds, and golden retrievers.

I’ve always been intrigued by dogs that Presidents bring to the White House. LBJ had beagles. Jimmy Carter had a border collie. George Bush had an English springer spaniel. Bill Clinton had Buddy the Labrador retriever. George Bush has Barney and Miss Beazley, two Scottish terriers. Barack Obama had Bo and Sunny, two Portuguese water dogs, Joe Biden had Major and Champ, two German Shepherds. (Donald Trump is the only president in more than 100 years who has not had a dog while living in the White House.) 

President Harry S. Truman is credited with saying, “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” Dare I say, truer words were never spoken, especially in today’s toxic environment. 

During this holiday season, let’s give a shout out for all the love, guidance, and support dogs bring to our lives.

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, bicycling, music, and nature. 

During the holiday season, when I’m particularly thankful for family and friends, I sometimes reflect on how many family members, friends, colleagues, and former couples no longer speak to one another. It seems as though it’s getting more difficult for us to get along. Or maybe it’s always been that way. Or maybe the world is simply less forgiving, crueler, crasser, and less kind.

Consider just a few of the “celebrity” relationships that have somehow dissolved: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Ben and Jerry, Dennis and Randy Quaid, Simon and Garfunkel, Hall and Oates, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, Macaulay Culkin and his dad, Meghan Markle and her dad, Brooke Shields and her mom; Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene, Mike Pence, Bill Barr, James Mattis, General Mark Milley, Chris Christie, Michael Cohen, H.R. McMaster, Omarosa, Anthony Scaramucci. (I could keep going.) 

Such rifts can be caused by incompatible values, jealousy, and lack of respect. Friendships can end because two people no longer share core values. Co-workers may have professional rivalries that lead to tensions and avoidance. Business partners relationships may sour over the direction of the company, politics, or personal conduct. 

Research suggests there are top 10 reasons marriages break up: Family (not being able to get along with the spouse’s family); lack of communication; stress; technology (not unplugging from it); selfishness; inability to forgive; loose boundaries; the past (not getting past it); dishonesty; and pride. 

Dr Gottman of the Gottman Institute identified four key behaviors which he labeled the four horsemen that indicate a relationship is in trouble: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. (I remember a therapist friend once told me that when she is doing couples therapy and senses contempt from one of the partners, she knows the relationship is doomed.)

Some friends have shared that they have broken off relationships because of substance abuse issues, cheating, boredom, financial issues, or just plain apathy. 

So, what’s the secret to getting along? Experts say it’s a combination of empathy and respect achieved through active listening, open-mindedness, and effective communication. Key practices include seeking to understand others, finding common ground, and showing general appreciation. 

Here are a few quotes that emphasize why getting along is worth the effort.

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Without friends, no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” Aristotle

“A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.” A. A. Milne Winnie-the-Pooh

“The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love—whether we call it friendship or family or romance—is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light.” James Baldwin

Something to think about. 

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Maria Grant, a former principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature.

I’ve often thought about what a privilege and opportunity it would be to be the First Lady of the United States. What an amazing platform for championing causes through various initiatives and advocacy groups and for inspiring and motivating others to support those efforts. 

Here are some examples of how such First Lady advocacy movements have had an impact.

Dolley Madison saved national treasures, including a portrait of George Washington, and held social events to unite political opponents.

Abigail Adams was a vocal advocate for women’s rights and the abolition of slavery.

Eleanor Roosevelt championed civil rights, women’s rights, and human rights.

Jackie Kennedy spearheaded the historic restoration of the White House and founded the White House Historical Association to preserve its artifacts and history.

Lady Bird Johnson advocated for environmental protection and conservation, successfully championing the Highway Beautification Act. 

Betty Ford raised national awareness for breast cancer and was an open advocate for women’s rights and substance abuse treatment.

Rosalyn Carter was a prominent advocate for mental health reform and co-founded The Carter Center to advance human rights and alleviate suffering worldwide. 

Nancy Reagan led the “Just Say No” drug awareness and prevention campaign.

Barbara Bush and Laura Bush both championed literacy and educational initiatives.

Hillary Clinton led the task force on National Health Care Reform. 

Michelle Obama focused on fighting childhood obesity through her Let’s Move campaign and promoted healthy eating.

Jill Biden revitalized the Joining Forces initiative to support military families.

Each of these former First Ladies, with sincerity and credibility, focused on issues and causes that were near and dear to their hearts. 

In contrast, during her first term as First Lady, Melania Trump rolled out an anti-bullying campaign called “Be Best” which pretty much went nowhere, especially after she wore the “I Don’t Care Do U” jacket on a visit to child detention camps at the U.S.-Mexico border. I doubt that the irony was lost on many that bullying was her cause of choice given her husband’s proclivity to do exactly that.

During her second term, Melania wrote a letter to Putin asking him to protect the innocence of children. I’m not sure Putin is listening in that it is estimated that more than 660 Ukrainian children have been killed and more than 19,000 children have been kidnapped since Russia’s full-scale invasion. (Melania should have also considered writing a letter to her husband about the innocence of children given his slashing of SNAP benefits, Head Start funding, pediatric cancer research funding, and rolling back of environmental regulations that promote cleaner air and water.)

Last week, Melania spoke to soldiers at a military base in North Carolina and explained to them that thanks to artificial intelligence soldiers would soon be replaced by robots. I am sure the soldiers welcomed that piece of dystopian wisdom. 

The New York Times has reported that during the first 108 days of Trump’s second term, Melania spent 14 days at the White House, instead flying at considerable expense, between Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower. (Each of these flights—and remember there are several each month—are estimated to cost taxpayers approximately $65,000 between flight costs and Secret Service protection.)

Amazon is paying Melania $40 million for a documentary on her life. It is estimated that she will receive 70 percent of those funds. 

Many First Ladies have authored books after their time in office was over. None other than Melania have profited in such fashion while in office.

It’s difficult to understand why someone with such a compelling and powerful platform would essentially choose to go radio silent. There is much to be done to make this country a better place. It’s a sad day when a person in the catbird’s seat chooses to look the other way. 

While I am disappointed in Melania’s meager contributions to worthy causes, on this Thanksgiving week, I am grateful to so many former First Ladies for their advocacy and efforts to improve our country. It’s a reminder to all of us that we too can invest in worthy causes to make the world a better place. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, bicycling, and nature. 

For a long time, I’ve known that the world does not provide a level playing field. Some folks are privileged. Others are not. Some live long healthy lives. Other lives are cut short by illness, accidents, or just plain bad luck. Some folks have large robust families. Others experience one tragic loss after another. Most of us try to make the best of our lot in life and roll with the punches.

But this year feels different. It’s hard to believe in a system that is chock full of grift, lies, immorality, and cruelty. The people in charge seem shallow, selfish, vindictive, and sometimes downright evil. 

One of the feelings many of us have these days is disappointment. We’re disappointed with the country, with voters (and non-voters), and with the ripple effect of many decisions and policies coming down the pike. 

Mental health professionals recommend acknowledging these feelings which can help lower their intensity. Journaling thoughts also can provide clarity and a mental release from turmoil. 

Here are some other suggestions to conquer disillusionment. 

Practice mindful exercises which can result in patience, acceptance, and self-compassion.

Take up a new hobby such as painting, gardening, knitting, or learning a new language.

Volunteer. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose, combat depression, and increase life satisfaction. 

Establish a routine. Routines can provide stability which can be comforting during turbulent times. 

Detox from social media and reevaluate how much time you spend scrolling through information. Ask yourself if it’s causing more harm than good. Listen to the inner voice that guides you.

Focus on nature. Find ways to connect with nature and calm down. 

Meditate. Meditation comes in many forms. Create a meditation practice or find a new method that works for you.

Move. Find a joyful exercise that resonates with you—dance, yoga, Zumba, stretching, kayaking, bicycling, swimming–they all can do the trick. 

Go easy on the booze. It may temporarily drown your sorrows, but long-term it’s more of a problem than a solution.

Connect with others. Cultivate friends and family you can trust with whom you have no fear of judgment. Such people can bring joy and harmony to your life. 

The Spanish philosopher and essayist George Santayana claimed that disillusionment is a pathway to wisdom. In short, he said that disillusionment can be a catalyst for change, and result in a plan of action. 

I agree. According to The Economist, Trump’s approval rating has dropped to 39 percent—no recent president’s popularity has fallen so low so quickly. 

The recent movements against Trump and his agenda are making a difference. Democrats are mobilizing and making strategic decisions as to which specific actions will move the needle. This month’s elections were a positive step forward. 

In addition, Democrats are becoming more pragmatic. Their messaging is focusing on the economy and cost of living. They are engaging at the local level. They’re focusing on electing even more Democratic governors in the next election and putting significant amounts of time and money into the 40 or so candidates running in swing districts. 

Democrats are also focusing on voter turnout. A major reason Trump won the last election was because an estimated 89 million Americans, or about 36 percent of the country’s voting eligible population, did not vote. Democrats are on a major messaging campaign to ensure that they mobilize these voters to get to the polls in 2026 and 2028. 

There is much more work to be done. But momentum is growing. Lessons are being learned. Let’s hope a wiser and broader swath of America arrives at the polls in the upcoming elections. 

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Maria Grant, formerly principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature.