For years I had a sailboat with an auxiliary motor. It was a diesel, a Perkins 4-108. It’s a workhorse engine and simpler to repair than gasoline engines. I decided to service the engine without consulting a mechanic. I nearly lost my finger in the belt drive while trying to fix the water pump. I raced to the emergency room. The doctor said, “Those who don’t know what they’re doing I always wind up treating.” She chirped along happily as she stitched up my finger adding, “If you want my medical opinion, stick to what you know or else you’ll be a danger to yourself and everybody else.” So much for the Hippocratic oath, “Do no harm,” I thought. She stitched my finger, yes, but she shredded my pride. I later called a mechanic.
I easily forget how dependent I am on others. Ecology and the human condition have this common: both are vast networks of interdependence.
I was again reminded of my dependence on others weeks ago when a storm blew half the roof off my studio. Rain got inside. My library and furniture were spared, but the drywall received water damage. I didn’t know what to do. A contractor began reconstruction. His team included a carpenter, a helper, two insulation technicians, an electrician, a demolition team, a drywall installer and painters.
I talked with some of the workers. Most men, although hired to perform a particular service, were skilled in the specialties of the others. I think of men like these as “handymen.” They’re like twenty-first-century renaissance men. As with renaissance men of history, their expertise included a wide knowledge of how the stuff of the natural world works. Unlike so many specialized white-collar workers today who function within narrow parameters, these tradesmen handle most anything thrown at them.
Joe Kilmon was one such man on the team. He’s versatile: a painter, a carpenter, one of those people who can fix about anything that’s broken. Joe is a quiet man. He works methodically. His facial expression is gentle, the sort of man from whom you’d expect a measure of kindness in his dealings. In fact he brings to his trades a unique dimension. He practices kindness. Joe says, “It doesn’t cost me anything and I get so much back.
Joe drives a white van. His van seemed to me to carry about as many tools as Lowes. As Joe pulled up the driveway, one day, I noticed the rear panel of the van had a statement written on it. Unlike other workers who advertise their trade on their trucks, Joe had this surprising statement. It read:
Today’s Goal
To do one kind act
For a total stranger.
Just imagine!
It’s important to Joe that people know that for whatever particular trade people employ him, he offers this freebee when opportunities appear; one kind act. He may extend acts of kindnesses to anyone, but, as his sign indicates, he specializes in strangers.
At the time Joe had this statement painted on his truck, he asked a woman he knew, a sign maker, to letter the truck for him. Joe asked her how much he owed her. She answered him saying that she had already done her one kind act for that day. She wouldn’t take his money.
Kindness begets generosity.
I talked with Joe at some length. There’s a theme that runs through most of what he says. Extending kindness to others and the rewards in goodwill that his deeds earn him is all that he wants. In a sense, Joe practices an ancient wisdom that teaches us that in order to get, we must first give – or more familiarly, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive.”
Joe is a very intentional man, whether it’s painting, carpentry or fitting a door into place. Even as he works he is prepared to act when opportunities for extending kindness present themselves.
On one occasion, he was on a job. The house’s owner had been going through chemotherapy. She arrived home, fatigued and as she emerged from the car she cut herself. She started for the house to get a Band-Aid. Joe told her to wait a minute. He went to his van, got his first aid kit and offered her a bandage. “It’s little things like that I like doing, not big stuff. It makes me feel good and most always it makes others feel good.”
With the words, “Just imagine!” Joe concludes the brief declaration appearing on the rear of his van.
To imagine is a peculiarly human faculty. It exerts a powerful influence on everything we do. Intentionally cultivating kindness in our imagination is timely wisdom expressed by one psalmist who wrote, “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
Buddhists teach how important practicing intentional loving-kindness is to our own peace of mind as well as the benign affects it has on others. Buddhists invite us to begin our days with this simple thought: “May I be filled with loving- kindness,” and then to add: “May you be filled with loving- kindness.”
What would a world look like in which extending loving kindness daily to friends or strangers (even disagreeable people) was standard practice?
Just imagine!
Columnist George Merrill is an Episcopal Church priest and pastoral psychotherapist. A writer and photographer, he’s authored two books on spirituality: Reflections: Psychological and Spiritual Images of the Heart and The Bay of the Mother of God: A Yankee Discovers the Chesapeake Bay. He is a native New Yorker, previously directing counseling services in Hartford, Connecticut, and in Baltimore. George’s essays, some award-winning, have appeared in regional magazines and are broadcast twice monthly on Delmarva Public Radio.
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Ken Sadler says
GEORGE
You are one of the best features of the SPY!
IMAGINE
Joan K. Frazier says
I really enjoyed the article about Joe. Joe is a quiet young man – always willing to help in any way he can. It’s very nice when someone meets someone like Joe and they take the time to write an article about his qualities – he is an excellent carpenter by the way – but write about his caring ways’ and that helping someone is as important to him as getting the job done. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone began their day thinking they will help someone – friend or stranger, it would really change a lot of attitudes as they leave their front door. Great article – Joes’ Mom.