Let’s be honest. Too many Republican men are obsessed with control. They want to control women’s decisions about their bodies. They believe they have the right to decide such issues. Why? Because they think they know what is best.
Even nice guys—like Tim Scott, the Republican senator from South Carolina who now seeks the Republican nomination for president– has admitted that if he had his way, he would enforce extremely strict abortion laws.
It is ironic that these men insist they have the right to decide—to control women. Yet these same men want minimal controls over gun purchases and possessions. And these same men who cavalierly tell women what they can and cannot do with their bodies have no clue what health or financial issues these women may face. Already in states where stricter abortion laws have been enforced, several women have dealt with life-threatening issues because doctors were afraid or not allowed to help them.
These men also try to control the type of women with whom they associate. Donald Trump talks about who is “his type” and who is not. There is no conversation about intellect, compatibility, sense of humor, and partnership among equals. Instead, it is an analysis of looks—not that dissimilar to judging livestock at a county fair. The ultimate question is would she be appropriate “arm candy” to enhance his viral image.
Mike Pence seems to have missed the whole concept of professional colleagues of the opposite sex—equal peers interacting with each other. He has said he will not even have a business lunch or dinner alone with a woman unless his wife is there to chaperon. Perhaps the woman might want to put the moves on him? Or he would not want anyone to get the wrong idea so why risk it?
Then there is the illustrious fist-pumping Republican senator from Missouri Josh Hawley who has just published a book called Manhood. In this enriching self-help book, he tells men how to be strong—how to take control—how to be a dominant male who rules the roost.
This need to control filters through all aspects of life. In our community in Florida, men, most of them enthusiastic Republicans, tend to nominate each other to head neighborhood boards. They then proceed to decide what trees may be trimmed, what vendors will be employed, and what decisions will be made on pest control, etc. Former CEOs of small companies, they now have become rulers of small neighborhoods. And they have miraculously become experts on a variety of home-owner areas. Who knew?
One neighbor patronizingly explained to me the difference between Republicans and Democrats. He said, “All you need to know is that Democrats want more government; Republicans want less.” I started to object saying that I did not think it was quite that simple. “What about DeSantis wanting to control what books are in schools and what curriculums should be taught.” I asked. “You are mixing apples and oranges,” he said. “I know things. Listen to me.” I did and silently thanked him for confirming my thesis about Republican men.
I have collaborated with men who respect women’s intellect and experience—who are not threatened by them. I have worked with men who mentor and coach women and who help them to achieve their career goals. I also have worked with men who do not call on women in meetings and who dismiss a woman’s suggestion or idea and then proceed to restate that same suggestion or idea as their own.
The thing about the need for control is that it seldom ends well. Think Putin, Hitler, or Napoleon. One cannot imagine that Putin’s desire to control Ukraine will end well.
A healthy discussion—a give and take—is a beautiful thing. It means new and innovative ideas are considered. It means one person does not have all the answers. It means people who are experts in different areas come to the table because most issues at the forefront in today’s society are complicated. It is necessary to peel back the onion—to see all sides of an issue—to find workable solutions. Strong leaders know how to delegate and trust teams to derive workable solutions. Strong leaders embrace equity—valuing the input of everyone—and do not ignore or attempt to control people with different points of view.
Donald Trump is not a very stable genius. He is quite the opposite. Already Ron DeSantis is exhibiting his need to control—banning books, marginalizing LGBQQT+ people, and remaking Florida’s higher education system to conform to his own beliefs.
Let us applaud leaders who embrace partnership and equity, leaders who listen to others and share power. Let us celebrate leaders who give their teams space to do their jobs and welcome alternative ideas. Simply stated, let us support leaders who do not feel the need to control everything and everyone. As Plato once said, “The measure of a man is what he does with power.” Amen.
Maria Grant was principal-in-charge of a federal human capital practice at an international consulting firm. While on the Eastern Shore, she focuses on writing, music, reading, gardening, and nature.
Maggie Andersen says
Hooray for this! Let’s call misogyny out!
Maria Grant says
Thanks Maggie!
Steve Cades says
It occurs to me that men who want to “rule the roost” are… roosters? And roosters are just male chickens. Hmm.
Marvin Nielsne says
“A healthy discussion—a give and take—is a beautiful thing. It means new and innovative ideas are considered. It means one person does not have all the answers.” Maria Grant
This author is repeating old Democrat party bromides demonstrating that she has never listened to the other side in a discussion. I’m not sure why this type of article is so frequently published in the Spy.
Maria Grant says
Marvin, thanks for reading my article. However, I disagree that trying to understand all sides of an issue is typical democratic bromide. I think both sides of the aisle would benefit from doing more of it.
Mike Davis says
Thanks, Ms. Grant. I aways enjoy you contibutions.
It is the patriarchy that has been around for thousands of years and locked into Greek of Roman culture. The most popular organized religions adopted it from there and kept it going. Plato, by the way, was not one of the guilty parties. One explanation I read that seems reasonable, although I am not an historian, was that the early Greeks were afraid of women because they believed women controlled the sex of babies. You had to control them if you wanted any sons. Daughters were left out in the woods to die. That explanation rings true to me because I think oppression is based on fear.
As to why the patriarchy continues to thrive in the modern world, that’s fodder for a LONG discussion.
Maria Grant says
Thanks for your insightful comments. Would love to have the discussion with you about why patriarchy continues to thrive in the modern world.
Joyce stambaugh says
Thank you for your honest factual analysis!
John Fischer says
Many Americans believe human life begins at birth. Many others believe life begins at some point in the womb. Those are legitimate differences of opinion.
If one holds the former view, abortion is a justifiable choice and the most important issue may become a woman’s destiny. If one holds the latter, the most important issue becomes life and death.
In that light, political finger pointing is disappointing. You have been and are better than that.
Reed Fawell says
Thank You.
Maria Grant says
Thank you for your comments. Sorry you think all I did was political finger pointing. I get that there is the life or death argument. But I also believe that if you are on the “life” side of the argument, you must also support those “lifes” once they are on earth.
Deirdre LaMotte says
Forced pregnancies are classified as crimes against humanity by the United Nations. Republicans are fine with this
because they don’t regard woman as humans, just breeding animals. And abortion for the far-right was fine until
Falwell declared it an issue for evangelicals in the 1970s. It is all about money in politics.
And while white men in Red States are stumbling over themselves to out-do another’s draconian anti-women laws, for men if Viagra
or other treatments should fail, penile implants, even if one is 90-years old, is covered by most insurance plans and Medicare.
A huge majority of Americans are sick of this arbitrary cruelty and the GOP will pay for it in the ballot box.
.
Maria Grant says
Deirdre,
Thanks for your comments. Much appreciated.
Reed Fawell 3 says
Maria-
I think a substantial reason for the decline of men in America is the lack of stable, long term committed relationships, with women, most particularly with a wife or live in partner. The data shows this overwhelmingly. As such relationships decline, society frays and falls apart, particularly for men. For women anchor, inspire, and motivate men, and hold most of the cards. Without women, and their acceptance, approval and demands, most men tend to fall apart, and at best lead oafish lives. Unfortunately, recent cultural developments have masked this reality, and created an illusion that men (as women too) can do whatever they want, when they want, and get away with it, without responsibility, to women. The result has been disastrous for many men, and women too, and our society in general.
Reed Fawell says
How about men who vote Democratic? How would you characterize them? How do they differ from men who vote Republican. How about married Democrat men, how different from married Republican men? How about unmarried men who are Republican versus Democrat? And why are so many American men uneducated, unemployed, single, lonely, unhealthy, depressed, homeless, drug addicted, incompetent, and living with their mothers? Where have all the fathers disappeared to. Why do women outperform men on so many levels and ways? And have so much more real power than the great majority of men.
Maria Grant says
These are all great questions. Thanks for writing. I only wish I had the answers.
Deirdre LaMotte says
Democratic leaning men applaud the accomplishments of women. Republican men dismantle women’s
freedoms to control them, as the far right nuts do, or ignore it because they’ll put up with
autocracy for lower taxes.
It is not rocket science.
Reed Fawell 3 says
Deirdre – then why, in America, do Republicans marry at such higher rates? And why are their divorce rate lower than the American average? And why, on average, do so many Republican men stick around as fathers helping raise their children, and often other peoples children as well? And why, on average, are their wives so devoted to their husbands and families, and to their vision of family values? And why do so many of these women act out so strongly on behalf of those values?
As to Republican women as well, go to a Republican Convention, and what them, how that act, what they do.
Deirdre LaMotte says
You certainly have a broad stroke when it comes to marriage, particularly a “republican’s” marriage.
Women are twice as likely to seek divorce. The more educated and self sufficient a woman is, the easier
to exit a toxic relationship. This is good. Left leaning people marry later after obtaining an education
and will decide when or if to have children. They are more financially independent. This is also good.
Republican women married to what is a Republican now, rather than 30-years ago, are married to men who
believe feminism, all that I outlined above, is threatening to emasculate American men. Add a far-right theology, which teaches that masculinity, the toxic kind it has become, is a God-given thing, and it is
what they call “family values”. LOL, as if racist and misogynists’ have “values”. Women
who are attracted to this will subjugate herself and actually become as militant as male
Republicans. After all, women were just as loud yelling “Lock her Up ” at Trump rallies.
“Devoted”, perhaps loving the Stepford wife life of being taken care of at the expense of
herself? Carrying for children? When schools are being attacked weekly? When Rs cut any type of
childcare/pre-K programs unless it’s at the MAGA church school in town.
The Democratic Party is also culturally and economically more diverse. One cannot adequately compare the two.
A good example of the GOP opinion on this is Fox’s Jesse Watters remark last year:
“women need to marry and settle down so they’ll stop voting for Democrats”.
Too late.
Reed Fawell 3 says
Deirdre you say. “You certainly have a broad stroke when it comes to marriage, particularly a “republican’s” marriage. Women are twice as likely to seek divorce. The more educated and self sufficient a woman is, the easier to exit a toxic relationship. This is good. Left leaning people marry later after obtaining an education and will decide when or if to have children. They are more financially independent. This is also good.”
Why is this good? Who is it good for? What are the demonstrable effects of all this on women, men, families, and society, and on marriage and relations between men and women generality, and society? What do the demographics of American society show in terms of health, wealth, affluence, stability, politics, happiness, trust, and meaningful and fulfilled lives, as it relates to your claims, Deidre?
Deidre also says”
Republican women married to what is a Republican now, rather than 30-years ago, are married to men who believe feminism, all that I outlined above, is threatening to emasculate American men. Add a far-right theology, which teaches that masculinity, the toxic kind it has become, is a God-given thing, and it is what they call “family values”. LOL, as if racist and misogynists’ have “values”. Women who are attracted to this will subjugate herself and actually become as militant as male Republicans.”
If these claims be true, show me the demographic facts on ground, and historical facts from the past, to back them up. Who are these racists and misogynists, and toxic men? Who are these subjugated married militant republican women. What do they do? What are their values? Or lack of values? And this “far right theology,” from where did it arise?
How do they all work together to despoil the demographics facts on the ground of American society in terms of its health, wealth, affluence, stability, politics, happiness, trust, marriage, and the health of relationships in America between men, women, and children?
We need facts, figures and numbers here to back up these claims. Only then can we understand and deal with them in detail. Otherwise they appear to be mere insult by stereotype.
Deirdre LaMotte says
I am unable to respond to the reply to my post.
But I will say, open you eyes and see what has happened to the Republican Party. These are the “facts” you ask for. That Party is a total clown show, not worth even acknowledging, except it
it a danger to democracy. If one is not appalled,
I am sorry, but one is then part of this problem.
Reed Fawell 3 says
Stereotyping is always a dead end. I suspect that we may well have reached that end here as both ends of the spectrum collapse in foolishness and exhaustion into one another, and the cycle then begins anew if the American experiment has survived yet again. Has and will it survive, or will it be overwhelmed and collapse itself after a 250 year run, a suicide. That is the question.
Reed Fawell 3 says
Interesting dialogue related to this subject on deep level: see
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCHjcr1Gb3g